What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 16

What if?

What if today goes well? What if I am just overreacting? What if today will be great and successful and Peeta will still not know about Sophie? But what if Sophie wakes during dinner? And then Peeta hears, goes and sees her. What if that happens? What if that's not such a bad thing? What if that could just end the lying between us? What if that could make me open to being fully honest with him? But if that's what I want why don't I just tell him anyway?

What if? What if? What if?

---

"Here you go Soph, Merry Christmas"

I hand her the stuffed bear I bought yesterday. I wanted to get her something even if it wasn't amazing. She immediately smiles her cute toothless smile. She hugs it tightly and laughs. I smile, glad that she likes it. She then crawls over to me and collapses into my lap. I lift her up and hug her tightly. I feel her drooling on the shoulder of my pyjamas but I don't care. Her presence is warm and loving. guess Haymitch is right. I am starting to love her like I'm her mother. Like she is my daughter

-

I slip on Sophie's coat and hat whilst she clutches the teddy bear. She hasn't let go of it for the last 4 hours. She is becoming attached, like she is afraid of losing it. I know how that feels. Once I have zipped her up in her coat I lift her into my arms. I have a bag full of stuff for her on my hip. I make my way over to Haymitch's slowly, being aware that it may be icy as snow lays on many patches on the ground. Once I get there I don't even hesitate before walking in. I am coming two hours before Peeta to give Sophie time to tire herself out for her sleep. Haymitch agreed to have Peeta out before I leave so that he doesn't see Sophie. Haymitch is completely against me keeping this from Peeta but accepts that's what I want.

"I'm here"

I call once I get in. I take off my coat and walk into the living room. I sit Sophie on the couch and slip off her coat before I lift her onto the floor and she plays with her teddy. I walk into the kitchen, dropping the bag of stuff on the armchair on the way. I find Haymitch behind the counter putting away dishes. I say

"Hey"

He nods a hello. I look at the table. I am shocked to find it set perfectly, a beautiful white spread with gold lining on the table along with candles and fine cutlery beside the plates. I ask him still shocked by the sight before me

"You did all of this?"

The idea of him putting in this much effort is unimaginable. He looks at me and shakes his head before saying

"No actually. Had an extra pair of hands to help me with that"

I give a questioning look before a woman walks into the room and stands beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. I don't recognise her until she speaks

"Hello Katniss"

Her name immediately registers. It's Effie. I blurt out

"Effie? Is that you?"

She smiles sweetly and nods

"Yes darling"

She comes over and pulls me into a light hug. Once she pulls away I get a proper sight of her new look that made her unrecognisable to me. Her hair is no longer hidden by a wig but flows freely down her shoulders in long gold curls. Her face is no longer layered in makeup but instead only lightly covered so that her face still shows. Her eyes are a dark blue colour, showing that she must have had contacts before. Her clothes are no longer big extravagant gowns and tutus but instead she wears a black top with a small bit of lace and jeans. Once she pulls away I ask her

"What happened to..."

I don't really know how to word it without offending her. But both her and Haymitch understand. Haymitch walks over and stands beside her whilst saying

"The capitols lost its look"

Effie adds to his sentence

"And so have I"

He smiles at her and she smiles at him. I see their fingers lock and their eyes are dreamily fixed on each other. I see them glistening at each other's sight and they both smile. One word could describe what was before me. And that word is love. I say

"You too are..."

I'm finding it quite hard to finish my sentences today. One shock after another is taking all the words from my mouth. Haymitch nods, not taking his eyes away from Effie and keeping his grasp on her hand firm and protective. It reminds me of how Peeta held me on the train. Strong and protective. I push the thought away as Effie says

"We are"

---
"5 minutes"

Haymitch says. 5 minutes until Peeta is here. The two hours flew by quickly with so much chatter about both Sophie and Haymitch and Effie's relationship. Effie then became obsessed with Sophie and began playing with her for an hour. This tired Sophie a lot and I just fed her so I am confident enough about her falling asleep peacefully and quickly. I take her upstairs and place her in the portable cot I brought over. I wrap her in her blankets and stroke her head softly where her little amount of hair sits. I then turn to walk away before I hear her whimper. I turn back and she looks up at me with her emerald eyes. She looks tired yet also refusing to sleep. I sigh knowing I only have a few minutes to spare. I decide to do the only thing I can think of to make her sleep. Something I haven't yet done for her. Sing.
I take a deep breath and let the words flow out of my mouth in a soft song.

I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, "I'll never let you go"
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

Her soft green eyes are becoming droopy. I question going on but before I fly make up my mind the word have already left me.

Don't you dare look out your window darling
Everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold onto this lullaby
Even when the music's gone
Gone

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound..

She is asleep. I slowly and quietly exit the room and just as I shut the door behind me I hear the front one open... I tell myself
Here we go

(Song: Taylor Swift: Safe and Sound.)
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