What if?
What if today is marking a huge part of my life? What if it's not going to be that hard, I've had to let go of people I love more than once? What if now I'm being stupid of course it's going to be hard? What if Sophie's mother still isn't ready? But what if I'm only questioning that because I don't think I'm ready?
What if? What if? What if...
---
When I wake it's early in the morning. Peeta remains asleep as I slip out of bed and downstairs. I walk out onto the porch and sit down before the sunrise, the show of colours lights up the sky. And I cry and cry. Cry because I'm going to miss her. Cry because I want the tears out of me so she doesn't see my pain. Cry because I'm in pain. Each tear represents every reason I'm going to miss her. But once the sun has risen high in the sky I tell myself no more tears, to conceal it. Because I can't confuse even more than she will be, it's not fair. I remain on the porch knowing its 1 hour until Peeta and Sophie awake. But today I'm wrong. It's only minutes until footsteps approach me from behind and Peeta comes to sit beside me. He doesn't say anything at first but soon sighs shakily before pulling me close, enclosing me in his arms. Our tears combine between us, our sadness fades away as we supply comfort to one another. After a while the tears slow their pace to a stop and our breathes even. He says softly, his voice small and weak
"I wrote my letter. I'd like you to read it"
I nod as he hands me a piece of paper which I open and begin to read his neat handwriting
Dear Sophie,
Today as I write this is the day you leave Katniss and I. I hope you already know why you ended up with us because I have no words to explain why you did. But what I can explain is simply how much we will miss you. You have made such a change in our lives, you effected us in such a dramatic way and you didn't even notice. The effect you had on Katniss and I was so huge, you effected us all in a way we will never be able to repay. You are such a kind and warmhearted girl, never change that Sophie. We both love you with all our hearts. You are one of the best things that ever happened to us. You have done more than you will ever know to change us. Change us into better people. And we will never take our time with you for granted as it was a time we will never forget. We will always be here for you at any point in your life. We love you so so much and will always miss you deep down in our hearts. But your family loves you, you know that. And no matter what you go through in life never stop knowing that you are so dearly loved. Always.
Love Peeta.
I wipe tears from my cheeks and tell him
"It's beautiful"
I hug him even tighter this time until I know we must go inside. As we stand and I turn to approach the door he catches my wrist and gently pulls my body to face him. He says
"I'm always here"
"I know"
"We'll get through this"
I nod.
"Stay with me?"
"Always"
And that's all it takes, for his hand to lock in mine with a tight squeeze and my body becomes less tense and I take a deep breath and conceal the tears within. The last 4 years feel as if they're slipping away, I feel as if I'm slipping away. When Sophie awakes both Peeta and I plaster a smile across our faces. To see her return a bright smile makes my desire to cry shrinks a little. Her smile is forever contagious. Peeta picks her up and says to her
"Happy Birthday Soph! Would you like pancakes for breakfast?"
She squeals a yes then climbs onto the chair at the table whilst Peeta begins to make the pancakes. I take a deep breath, once again pulling all my feelings within and holding them at my chest, hiding them from her. I go over and sit beside her and tell her stroking her hair softly
"Happy Birthday sweetie"
She looks at me with a huge grin and says
"Thanks Mummy!"
She then plants a big sloppy kiss on my cheek before sitting back down and eating her pancakes. In my mind I ask myself "What if this is the last time she calls me Mummy?" but then I stop myself. If I keep asking questions I am guaranteed to snap, to break down. I eat my breakfast in silence and then excuse myself to the bathroom. Laying my hands on the edge of the sink I look in the mirror, deep into my eyes in my reflection and promise myself to not break down. Not to cry. Not to snap. Not to crumble. To stay strong. I build a wall in my mind, blocking my feelings of sadness and anxiety away. I trap them out of sight and tell myself to pull it together. That's the only way I will get through the day after all. A war of emotions is caged inside of me but I know I must stay strong for her.
--
Hey guys! OMG next chapter you guys find out who Sophie's mother and father are! I literally have had to conceal my own tears in writing these few chapters! It's so sad to see it end! Nearly a year later! I wanna cry just writing this note! I am really thinking hard about a sequel, if I would have a lot of readers still after Sophie's gone. Would you read a sequel? Let me know and maybe I can tell you in the next chapter if I'll do a sequel ;-). Love you guys and thanks so much for reading!
Em is out!... for the last time before the parents of sophie are revealed!AHHHHH!
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What if?- A Mockingjay Story
Fanfiction*HUGE DISCLAIMER* I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS 12YRS OLD, SO EXCUSE GRAMMAR AND CRINGINESS What if.....? Katniss has finally returned to District 12 both haunted and shattered by the past knowing the peace gained does not supply her with security and ha...
