*HUGE DISCLAIMER* I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS 12YRS OLD, SO EXCUSE GRAMMAR AND CRINGINESS
What if.....?
Katniss has finally returned to District 12 both haunted and shattered by the past knowing the peace gained does not supply her with security and ha...
What if? What if I can't make it through today? What if I can't make it through my life anymore? But what if Peeta can help me, like he said? What if he can keep my sane whilst we are both pulled through the hell of today? What if we can keep each other same through this? What if he won't stay with me though? What if he breaks always? But what if I'm crazy? What if when he said always on that night that feels like centuries ago, what if he meant it? What if? What if? What if?.... ---
"Katniss, We need to get ready"
Peeta says softly. I know he's right. The memorial starts in one hour. We were invited over a month ago, the two of us. It took a lot of thought before I could agree. But Peeta didn't nudge me, he said it was my choice. It's not much anyway. Just a mass for the lost and the opening of the memorial grave though there are no bodies to bury in most cases. They are also handing out medals to surviving soldiers, medics and rebels. It was something I decided to attend out of respect and also knowing that my presence would be appreciated by the people who organised it. I say back to Peeta in a whisper
"Okay"
He stands up before I can. He offers me his hand and pulls me to my feet. He says
"I'll wait downstairs"
I nod. He walks out of the room and after a few seconds I follow. But before I shut the door I glance back at the room. I take a moment to remember her face when she saw it, how shocked she was, how happy she was. And then I shut it.
--
I fix my hair into a bun before fully examining myself in front of the mirror. The shower wiped the redness from my cheeks, my skin clean from the tears that once layered it and my hair no longer greasy but a perfect brown shade. I put a cardigan over my grey t-shirt to cover the scars that make their way up my arms and all over my body, some easier to hide then others. I'm not ashamed of them, its the fact that they are a reminder. A reminder of what brought them there. A reminder of why they will never go away. Nor will this day...
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(KATNISS'S OUTFIT MINUS BAG, GLASSES AND HAT )
---
We walk to the memorial in silence, our hands locked together are the only things filling the gap between us. The village is bustling with people yet the place is close to silent. Sorrow hangs in the air above us and most people walk with their heads down. As today is both a day that represents the glory and winning of our fight it also represents the sadness and the loss of others. Some people experienced more loss than others. But together, the whole nation has been damaged. Once we reach the memorial place we are greeted by a few people. First is a woman called Antoinette. We don't get to talk for long but she seems very nice. She tells me that I inspired her, that I inspired everyone. She says it in such a kind voice I almost believe her. She then introduces me to her sister Aimee. She's young, about 13 years old. She thanks me, like most people do. I meet many people after them. I don't remember all their names, too many. There was Dominique, Emma and Allie. All of them stood out like Aimee and Antoinette, mostly because they were kind and also they all weren't focusing on the rebellion and thanking me. They asked me about me. And that's something today especially I appreciated. I would have spoken to all of them a lot more if I had the time. But we have to go to our seats after a while as the ceremony is about to start. We sit down in the front row where seats are reserved for us. Peeta takes my hand when we sit down and we talk in low voices whilst waiting. He says
"I can't wait for this to be over. This entire day"
I look at him and nod. He takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze which I return. And then the ceremony begins. I drift away into my mind for most of it. They talk about the rebellion, mentioning my name once or twice. It's over before we know it though. Until they start talking about the final bombing, the parachutes and that's when my throat closes up slightly. When the tears form and the threat of losing sanity there and then comes clear. I rest my head into Peeta's shoulder and pull myself together a bit before rising again. Me and Peeta give each other gentle squeezes of reassurance throughout the ceremony. I see tears spring in his eyes at times too. I know that he lost heavily to the rebellion also. Both himself and his family. We decide wait until they are done rewarding soldiers medals for bravery before heading home. And once that is over everyone gets up and speaks to one another and some get prepared to leave like Peeta and I. As we get up Peeta sighs with relief. He leans into my ear and says
"Are you okay?"
I feel my eyes stink as tears still sit within them. I nod and say
"I just need to get out of here"
He nods back. He follows behind me as we politely make it through the crowd of people talking to each other. I feel some of my tears slipping down my cheeks as the words of the speaker come to mind again. When I make it out of the crowd I sigh of relief and wipe my cheeks. Peeta is obviously caught up. I take a deep breath and rub my eyes of the tears and wait for Peeta to emerge from the group of people. I then hear my name
"Katniss"
I whip around and my eyes follow to who said my name. And they settle on one person. The one person who is a puzzle, a problem... The person who took everythingfrom me....
GALE
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