What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 3- Sophie's Mother

This chapter is from Sophie's mothers point of view and is based upon chapter 3. Enjoy!
---

I rock her in my arms, a horrible sadness hung over me as I cradle my child for the last hours on the train. Her beautiful green eyes stare at me with wonder and curiosity, no realisation of what is about to happen. Of course not, at only a few weeks old my daughter is still figuring out life itself. As the journey goes on I once again question my decision. I've done this since I came to conclusion, a month before her birth. I keep asking myself is it fair, fair to put such a large responsibility on such a young and damaged girl. But once I said it to someone I felt I could trust, it made me realise many things, That I'm not giving up on my child, I'm just saving myself from collapsing so much with handling children that I will end up becoming ill, leaving my children motherless. I was also showed that my daughter will have benefit on Katniss, that my daughter will help Katniss to heal herself, to wake herself from the depression I know all the victors have been experiencing. I will leave my baby with her until her 4th birthday. I will then be sure that I have regained the strength to handle being a full time mother once more. I am just afraid, afraid of cracking, afraid of my insanity causing me to not be capable of giving my child what she needs. I know Katniss will give it to her, eventually having Peeta by her side also. My daughter clutches my finger with her small hand as I rock her slowly in my arms. I'm not giving her away because I don't love her, because I do with all my heart. The moment she was placed in my arms I felt that familiar happiness and warmth, that moment of realisation that you brought this bundle of joy into the world. I will never stop loving her, never not take the advantage of seeing her even though those times will probably be rare. If I want to keep my identity a secret. Why I want that is something I can't even fully answer. The train becomes to a slow stop and the doors fly open, revealing the wet and windy weather that is now in district 12. I sit my baby back in her carrier, covering her with a blanket as we walk out into the rain. As I walk toward victors village I stop at a small bakery for something small to eat as straight after I drop her off I must return back home. When I walk in it isn't very busy as it is 8:30pm. I take a seat at a table in the window, my daughters carrier in the chair beside me as I watch her, taking in every moment as I know I will not get this time with her again for years. Then I hear his voice, the voice of Peeta Mellark behind the bakery counter

"Hey Jason I'm going to head off, are you closing up tonight?"

I hear the reply of an unfamiliar man, most likely this Jason person

"No I think Lynn said she would"

A woman in the kitchen yells a yes and with that Peeta grabs his coat and begins to walk toward the door. I look at the wall and cover the side of my face with my hood, hoping my face isn't seen and noticed. Luckily he walks out without seeing me and I can let down my hood. A waitress comes over and takes my order, coming back moments later with a mug of coffee. I drink only half of it, the warm tea tipping over onto me as the mug trembles in the grasp of my shaking hands. Once I'm finished I cover the carrier again and enter the horrible weather as I make my way to victors village. When I reach there I know immediately that I can't run and leave my daughter without a proper goodbye. So without thinking I run into one of the abandoned houses, directly beside hers. When I enter the house it is completely clean and furnished, untouched. I shut the door to block away the storm for a moment and kneel before my daughter who sits in her carrier on an armchair. My hands tremble violently as they brush across her forehead, my finger soon rubbing across her cheek. I feel the tears begin to run down my face. Suddenly she begins to cry softly, small tears escaping from the corner of her eyes. I whisper softly

"It's okay honey... It's okay"

My voice trembles as I continue

"Listen to me, I love you with all my heart. I want you never to forget that. I'm doing this to make sure you get everything you need for the beginning of your life. When you come back with me I will be able to care for you I promise. I just want you to promise me that you will never doubt my love for you, never think I'm not coming back. Mummy loves you so so much sweetie. Someday I'll bring you home I promise. I just want you to have the best life you can and for the start I can't give that to you.... I know this doesn't make much sense now but it will.... Just trust me honey. I love you"

As she continues to cry softly I take her into my arms, hugging her for the last time. Her tears wet my shoulders as mine wet hers. I must be strong, but I can't be. I say between heaves

"I'm going to miss you so much..... I love you darling"

I plant a kiss on her head, tears still rapidly flowing down my face. I sit her back in her carrier. Her hands hold up to me, looking for me to hold her. But I know if I do that I will never let go. If I don't do this I am putting my health and hers at risk. I whisper as I clutch the carrier in my hand

"I love you sweetie"

Then I emerge in the rain. Running up the steps to the door, placing the carrier and hiding around the corner behind the wall. For a while she just cries, causing my heart ache to increase. My tears feel numb, like they're not even there as rain also splatters on my face. As I lean my head up against the wall I wonder what he would think of me now, of my decisions. I don't know any more, his presence I no longer feel. All I feel is depressed and alone. My breathing quickens when I hear

"Hello?"

I don't dare to move a muscle. I hear her footsteps, soon enough they just walk back up to her house. I know she has picked up the carrier as the crying has stopped. I then hear the door shut. Without hesitation I run. Run from my problems, run from my life, run from my child who has done nothing wrong and does not deserve this. I know I can't take back what I've just done. Was it the right thing to do?

I guess only time will tell....

---

Hey guys! I'm guessing you all have guesses on who Sophie's mother is now. I've read your comments guessing who lately and I can't wait until you find out! It will be an unexpected shock... that's all I'll say! Only 2 more days left of Easter!! UGH! THEN SCHOOL AKA SUMMER EXAMS.... Well if you liked this please leave a comment and vote and I'll probably see you guys tomorrow with another update!

-Em is out!