What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 32

What if?
What if I can convince Peeta to go back to work and not care for me? What if I can convince him how it's insane that he's putting his life on hold for me? But what if what the nurse predicted comes true? What if I don't do as advised and I never walk again? Do I really want that to happen? What if it does?
What if? What if? What if........
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After the nurse leaves we don't speak to each other. After a while she returns with forms for me to sign. My bed has been titles at the top so I sit up straight. I was afraid it would be painfully but they gave my numbing shots from my shoulder to the end of my back. I hate the hospital, I hate the fact that it's my third day here and I hate that I am stuck in this thin sheet of a nightgown. I miss Sophie, Peeta said she's staying with Haymitch and Effie. They were going to call in but decided not to when they heard I was being discharged today. Peeta is sitting in his chair across the room, also filling forms to state he will be caring for me. I can't help but hate him right now. I hate him for putting his life on hold for me. I hate him for being overprotective about this whole situation. But I mostly hate myself for allowing him to do it all.
After we both hand in each set of forms we are told I still cannot be discharged until tomorrow which irritates me. I don't think I can spend another day in this place without losing it, but I guess I'm just going to have to pull it together for one more night. I want Peeta to leave, so I can just let out all the concealed tears inside of me and just lose it just for one night. I say to him blankly

"You should go home, you need rest"

He looks at me and shakes his head. He says softly yet his voice is completely drained of all emotion

"I'm not going anywhere"

For dinner I am given a tray with of cold soup. I take it anyway but can't help but miss Peeta's meals. They weren't made from stale vegetables and served straight from the fridge. I still haven't spoken to him, I don't plan on doing so either. Not until I figure out some way to get him to leave me be. Once I'm finished the nurse comes in again to give me my shots into my back and check me up quickly before I can sleep. As I feel the first needle inserted into my shoulder blade I stare into Peeta's eyes across the room. The soft blue is reassuring, much better to focus on them then the pain that is now fading as the shots begin to numb my back. In a few minutes I am finished, with four shots inserted into my back. As she checks my monitor and replaces the bandage on my shoulder I ask her what her name is. She replies with a smile

"Kylie. Well Dr. Donovan here anyway. You can call me either"

I nod as she continues to wrap the bandage. Peeta leaves to get something to eat. She says

"Dr. Aurelius wants to see you before you go tomorrow too. He said he'll call in at 11 to just do your final check up, establish pain killers and he also said something about a mental check up?"

I explain

"He's my personal doctor since I was in 13"

She nods, now understanding. She asks me

"How is your back?"

I reply

"Good, but that's because I'm numbed at least once every three hours"

She nods again and states

"You should feel 10 times worse tomorrow when they take you off it. But that will only last a day or two as long as you stay rested"

I ask her

"Will I be able to move at all?"

She takes a moment before replying

"A bit. You will need to be in the wheelchair and be pushed by somebody else so our not overworking your shoulder"

I nod again. I hate this so so much. I hate being dependent. I hate not being able to do things for myself, even if its only for two months. That to me is like years. I thank Kylie before she walks out. After that I try to sleep, which has been quite hard lately for several reasons. First is the whole atmosphere of the hospital makes me feel uncomfortable and just not at home, it reminds me of 13. Second being I have to sleep flat on my back, which is very uncomfortable for me.I just close my eyes and for a moment just empty my mind and listen to the heart monitor. After a while I hear someone enter the room. I hear footsteps that approach the side of the bed. Then I hear his voice, speaking to me from the chair at my bedside

"What's happening to us Katniss? Why does everything bad have to happen to us?"

I feel his hand fall on mine. He continues

"I am going to help you through this I promise, even though I know you don't want me to or anyone to. I know you hate it when you can't be independent. I have questions about how this happened but you seem too angry with me right now to tell me anything. I know that what I'm doing for you is a big step, something you don't want me to do. But you know I made a promise to you before. I promised you I'd always stay. That's a promise I need to keep. We stay with each other and protect each other. That's just how we work together...... I love you "

A warm sensation rushes through my body. His final words are closed with a kiss planted on my cheek. Then I realise that even though I'm angry, at least I know he understands. He knows how this is hard to accept, he knows me more than anyone else. I hear his breaths even and when I open my eyes he is fallen peacefully asleep in the chair beside me, for the first time in days and his hand still holding mine.

Still clinging for my life that he thought he lost.

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Hey guys! Sorry this is kinda short and crappy but OMG I have been so eager to update! I'm always desperate to know/write something amazing that will happen next which sounds a bit weird! I get my Easter holidays Wednesday for two weeks and a half which means.... (Drum roll)

TONS OF UPDATING! YAY!

So yeah! Hang in there as the updates will be slow until Wednesday! Love you guys and thank you for all your support and being active!

Please comment what you thought about what happened and what you think will happen next! I love getting to read your comments! Thank you so much ily!

Em is out!