What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 81

What if?

What if the stain won't ever come out? What if it is to stay as a constant reminder of what happened? What if its like the scars, once they are there there's no erasing them? What if the blood is there forever to mark the damage done as if the memory is not enough?

What if? What if? What if...

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Haymitch brushes up the last of the glass and dumps it into the bin. The only evidence of the event is of course the blood stain, nothing we tried would manage to scrub it off. It's fully stained into the tile. After a few minutes of silence he says

"I'll leave you to it then. We'll have Sophie back to you this evening once you've settled in"

I mutter a thank you as he walks out. I place mine and Sophie's clothes in the washing machine before grabbing my keys and walking out of the house. I lock the door which is difficult with only one hand fully working considering my other is limited whilst I'm wearing the sling. I then walk. Walk through the town and past the shops until I reach the wooden fence. The fence which now has a gate that allows people in and out of the woods as they please yet keeping the dangerous wild life kept in.

I walk through the woods in the afternoon in late summer. The leaves and branches above my head shelter me from the strong sun rays as I walk through the woods, not knowing where I'm going. My feet crack twigs laid along the ground with each step. The air is cool on my face, the smell of nature surrounding me is so refreshing. Something I missed whilst in hospital. As I continue to walk I see the opening to the meadow. As I come closer to it I see the outline of a figure. Then finally I come to the opening and the person whips around after hearing my footsteps and who am I seeing but

Peeta.

I don't say anything, my heart beat deafening my eardrums, my body stiff in place and my mouth so dry it can't even make out one word. He immediately jumps to his feet, packing what must be his art things. He puts them quickly back in the bag and then says, his face anxious and his eyes avoiding mine

"I'm gonna go"

Then he quickly begins to walk off into the trees. I say following him at the quickest pace I can

"Peeta wait!"

Its only amongst the trees I catch his arm and immediately he pulls away strongly. This causes my body to fall backwards. He says harshly

"Don't touch me!"

He stops. 2 metres between us, his eyes looking at mine fiercely. He looks angry, his posture strong and protective compared to mine which is still in shock. His breath is fast and loud as he says

"I'm dangerous"

I reply immediately yet calmly

"That's not true"

He immediately responds in anger, his voice rising

"Yes it is Katniss! Look what I did to you-"

He gestures to my arm as he continues, his voice becoming louder with each word

"-I'm a mutt Katniss! A mutt!!"

I reply, tears springing in my eyes and my voice trembling

"You're not Peeta. Please don't do this, I need you"

He sighs loudly, sounding almost aggravated. He says to me, his voice waving between sadness and anger

"You're not safe around me"

Once again I protest even though at this stage it doesn't look like anything can change his mind

"Youcan fight it, you can learn to fight it and control it. You know you can, youjust have to try. And I can help you. We've been through hell and backtogether, we have something so special its indescribable. When people talk tome about our relationship I tell them that we may have changed so much in thelast few years but nothing could possibly change how I feel for you. Are youreally going to let this tear us apart? What happened to Always? To stayingwith me? To together? Always?..."

I look into his eyes. The blue oceans flooding with tears, the pain that causes him to look to the grass rather than to my eyes as he says quietly

"I'm sorry Katniss"

I bit my lip to stop the trembling. I allow the tears to flood over to my cheeks. I want him to see my pain and realise he's making a mistake. But he doesn't look at me again. So I walk away and don't look back. I walk away from everything that mattered to me, everything I was here for. I left it behind, I left him behind. Not without a fight did I give him up but I can't see what more i could have done.

I dry my cheeks before answering the door. Sophie runs in past me with only a quick hello to me. Effie assures me if I need anything to call. Once she leaves I shut the door and follow Sophie into the living room. She sits upon the window sill, playing with her bear. After a while she joins me on the couch and watches a cartoon whilst laid in my arms. At around 8 O'Clock that evening I hear a knock on the door. I lift Sophie off my lap and lower her down onto the couch. She sleeps there, teddy bear clutched to her chest. I get up and walk to the door. When I open it I'm shocked to who I find. Peeta. He's out of breath, the fierce look has left his eyes. I whisper, tears filling my eyes

"Peeta....."

He says softly

"Always"

Then he pulls me into a kiss. A kiss that engulfs me into his love, his passion. I realise he's crying when I feel our salty tears meet and combine at our cheeks. Once we pull away for air his forehead is against mine, his hands holding my face and my arms are wrapped around him. His voice trembles as he says

"I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry"

I look up into his eyes. Those eyes for 2 weeks I have longed for. The ones that fill me with a sensation that no other person could give me. I whisper

"I love you so much... Don't ever leave me again"

He replies

"I won't... I promise... I love you too"

All of a sudden we are pulled apart by a squeal

"Daddy!"

He crouches down as she dives into his arms. She whispers to him how much she missed him and I watch as he cries silent tears of joy into her shoulder. He missed her and she missed him. She's so young of course she didn't understand why he was gone but even she is extremely glad he has returned.

It ends up being 10 O'Clock before she goes to bed. Peeta brings her and I wait downstairs until he returns. I then rejoin him, jump into his arms and wrap my legs around his waist. We stay like this for a while, hugging each other as he holds me, heals me. Eventually he lifts me to the bedroom when we realise the time. I curl in beside him, he immediately wraps his arms around me. For a while there is silence until I as

"What made you change your mind?"

He replies without a hint of doubt

"You. Your words"

I sit up and look at him

"Don't You dare leave me like that again, Stay with me?"

He smiles softly and replies

"I won't, always. Always together, always here, always you, always us. Always"

It's not long after those words are spoken that our lips reconnect.

My dandelion has finally returned home.