What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 34

What if?
What if Sophie has been upset without me? What if she has been crying and scared and I never knew? Wouldn't I be told if she was like that though? But what if Peeta was told by Haymitch and Peeta didn't tell me? What if Peeta thought I am too unstable to handle that? He already considers me unstable and incapable at this time. That's probably why I'm angry at him and he's angry at me for not seeing that. But what if there's more than this situation that is threatening to tear us apart?
What if? What if? What if......
---

When we pull up home Haymitch and Effie await us, with Sophie in their arms. Haymitch leaves Effie with Sophie to help Peeta lift the wheelchair up the steps. I can't help but feel ashamed, useless. How horrible it must be for Beetee, looking back on his life where he was dependent on himself but now is forever to be transported in a wheelchair rather than on his two legs. I guess I can't really and truly be complaining. When Peeta pushes me into the living room and everyone is sat on the couch Sophie pulls from Effie's arms, begging for me. Effie looks at me questioningly and I nod. Sophie is placed on my lap. I use my good arm to support her as she wraps her arms tightly around my neck, her elbow brushing off my shoulder. Through the smile on my face the pain of this causes me to wince. Sophie notices and loosens her grip softly. She whispers into my ear

"I missed you mummy"

Her pronunciation isn't great but I understand what she is saying, she knows her words now after all it's just a matter of pronouncing them right. I don't correct her on the mummy part, I have no energy to. And besides what's the point. I whisper back to her

"I missed you too Soph"

The next hour is spent talking to Haymitch and Effie about what they said in the hospital. I ask them how Sophie was too, the answer I get is unsettled at first but after that okay. It felt like a weight of guilt suddenly lifted off my shoulders. After a while they leave and Peeta turns on the TV so that the silence and tension in the room is filled. He then says

"I'm just going to go grab some clothes and stuff"

I nod, not even glancing toward him. I say blankly

"Sure. You can take the spare room upstairs"

He mutters something that sounds like a yes before walking out. Sophie turns to me from the TV and asks looking up from her position on the floor

"Mummy, why are you in a chair?"

I reply

"I hurt my back sweetheart. That's why I was gone for a while, I was at the hospital. But I'm okay now, I just need to rest for a while"

She nods. A moment later she shuffles over to my feet as sits her head on my lap. I stroke her hair softly and watch as her eyes calm and her muscles become less tense. I tell her softly

"Let's go over to the couch"

I manage to wheel backwards with one arm and quickly push myself onto the couch only two centimetres away. I grit my teeth in pain but avoid biting my lip. It's only just healed for the painful tear I gave it during the fall. Sophie curls up on one end of the couch, her head resting on my lap as I stroke her hair yet again. Her green eyes glisten as they stare into space, her red hair runs gently through my fingers. She looks tired, yet peaceful. For a minute I think she's asleep but then I hear her say

"Mummy, Please don't go again"

Once again her pronunciation is poor but her voice sounds small and scared. I guess I was right. Maybe she didn't show it but on the inside she was scared. Scared of losing someone close to her yet again, scared of being abandoned. I say to her reassuringly

"I won't sweetie I promise. I love you"

For the first time I say it to her, as if she is becoming my own daughter and I am beginning to feel like the loving mother she lost. She says softly, drifting away to sleep

"I love you too Mummy"

---

When Peeta gets back he looks at me with an readable expression on his face. He says

"You got out of your wheelchair?"

I reply simply

"Painfully but yes"

He looks down and smiles a little, letting out a small laugh. This astonishes me, I predicated madness or scoffing or something like that. He says with the grin sticking proudly on his face

"You really are rebel sometimes. Even when it is going against your own good"

And with that he walks into the kitchen, disappearing out of my sight but the presence of his smile feeling still strong in the room. He brings my wheelchair upstairs first, me second. He sits me slowly on the edge of the bed. I tell him that I need to put Sophie to bed but he offers to do it himself. I don't argue, I don't complain. I just nod. I hear him coming quietly up the stairs a few minutes later. I go in my wheelchair to the door and look out the small gap to see him. Sophie's head is laid sleepily on his shoulder as he carries her into her room. I can't help but go down the hall and peak in the door. He tucks her into her bed, just as she stirs awake again. She says to him in her small babyish voice, whilst sucking her thumb

"Can you tell me a bedtime story?"

He smiles softly and nods, sitting on the edge of the bed. He doesn't pull a book from her bookshelf, but instead he tells her he has a special story he wants to tell. He tells about when he was small, nothing violent, no games and no peacekeepers but just his simple school life and then he begins to mention a girl. A girl I recognise too well from a story he told me once, in the cave of the arena.

The girl with the two braids.