What if?- A Mockingjay Story

Chapter 36

What if?
What if soon I will be free? Free to walk, free to be independent again. What if things are finally taking a turn in my life? What if my true happiness is finally beginning?
What if? What if? What if.....
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Spring is beginning to roll in as I start to count down my final weeks in this wheelchair. My shoulder is now fully healed which means I am able operate my wheelchair by myself. Sophie has began walking, the day was the happiest day since my fall. She pushed herself to her feet and clutch the side of the couch for a moment before finding her balance. She spread her arms from her body she stands upright. She ran over on her legs unsteadily into my arms that awaited her in the chair. I hugged her and praised her. At that moment I reflect on when she began to crawl, when she spoke and when she first came into my world. I can remember when hugging Sophie that day, being so overwhelmed with joy. I remember seeing Peeta at the doorway, peaking in smiling and not aware that I can see him over Sophie's shoulder. I gestured him over and together we hugged as if a truly happy family. That was two weeks ago. Now here I am, sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Aurelius' clinic with Peeta by my side. I tap my fingers anxiously on the handle bar of my wheelchair as I wait to be called inside. Sophie is with Haymitch and Effie for a few hours. Peeta unexpectedly puts his hand over mine, stopping the tapping. He looks at me and questions

"Are you nervous?You seem more jittery than usual"

I shrug my shoulders and say

"I come here getting shots most of the time, I'm obviously not going to be happy"

He nods and looks at me sympathetically. I await the day when I get out of this chair and am free to run through the woods and not get that sympathy. He holds my hand whilst we wait, his touch is comforting and causes me to become calm. I stop being anxious but instead just sit in silence. Everything about him calms me. He's my remedy, in some ways. He keeps me sane at times like this. He keeps me on my feet when I could so easily hit the ground. I mean that mentally, nothing can keep me on my feet right now.

"Ms Everdeen?"

I am forced back to reality when I hear my name. I look up at the receptionist who just spoke. She states

"Dr. Aurelius will see you now"

Peeta stands me up and wheels me into the other room. When we enter the room Dr. Aurelius is sitting at his desk chair. He welcomes me with a smile and tells me to sit on the examination table. He has changed it so that I will be sitting up fully straight for my back. After Peeta helps me out of the wheelchair which is as usual a painful experience he turns to leave but I grasp his arm. He turns around confused until I pleaded under my breath but still loud enough for him to hear

"Stay"

His eyes flicker from the door to me again. He finally nods and sits in the spare seat a few feet away from me. Dr Aurelius then starts the check up with the same questions as always

"Have you been taking your pills?"

"Yes"

"Have you been experiencing pain with your back?"

"Yes"

Once I have answered them he checks my back. Telling me to sit in painful positions as he presses his fingers on my spine, which feel like painful stabs one after the other. Once this is done I expect him to pull out a needle, like he has at every other appointment. But this time he doesn't, instead he tells me to sit back in my wheelchair. So I do with Peeta's help. I am then lead into a room for an unexpected x-ray. It goes by quickly but just feels odd. After that I reunite with Peeta who pushes me back into Dr. Aurelius' office, with him not far behind us. Dr Aurelius sits before Peeta and I behind his desk and says to me directly

"Katniss, It's great to see you have been resting over the last few months as advised and it has shown in the recovery of your spine. Your spine has fully healed"

He places the x-ray pictures on the desk for us to see. When I was in hospital on the desk in my hospital room I saw pictures like these, but much different. My shoulder bone was cracked and my spine out of place. But in these my spine is straight, my shoulder healed. I am confused for a moment. Why did I still experience pain when he was checking my spine? And why am I still in the wheelchair? But before I can even open my mouth Peeta asks

"Then why is she still in pain?"

Dr Aurelius folds his arms across his chest before stating

"Unfortunately recovery is not that simple. You are obviously aware that there are bruises all down your back that will contribute to the pain. And walking again will be up to you to master"

I say

"So what are you saying? That there is no treatment?"

He clarifies

"Yes and no. What I'm saying is that you will have to begin to walk yourself. You may use the wheelchair for as long as you like but you will have to face the pain on your own. You need to do it for yourself because there is nothing treatments can do to help that recovery. Only you can get yourself back on your feet again"

--

"One step at a time. It's the best way to prevent you hurting yourself"

Peeta says to me. I am laid flat on my back in bed, Sophie asleep in her room and Peeta sitting on the edge of my bed talking to me. I say to him softly

"I wish I could sit up at least, walking and not being able to sit up is very annoying"

He pushes one of my stray hairs behind my ear as I say

"It's annoys me because I never get the opportunity to kiss you"

He grins before saying

"Then I'll just come to you"

Then our lips collide