WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS BAD LANGUAGE!!!
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What if?
What if I should stop asking myself what if? What if I should accept happiness as it is? But what if this happiness, this joy and ease through life isn't meant to last
If only I had known when asking myself this that I was right, it was never meant to last..
What if? What if? What if...
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I awake early, well before sunrise but I know well that is there is no point in even attempting to fall back asleep. Instead I sit out on the porch and watch the sun rise above district 12, bringing light to fill the darkness of what once was the night and the stars are pushed into hiding until nightfall arrives again. Once I return inside it isn't long until our little girl is standing at the bottom of the stairs in her pink floral pyjamas and her teddy bear just touching the floor yet the leg of the bear tightly clutched in her small hand. I pick her up in my arms and hug her tight. We greet each other this way almost every morning, maybe not this early but the routine is the same. We eat breakfast together before I change her into her clothes. She watches TV as I change into my outfit for the day. I wear just a basic pink t-shirt and White shorts along with a pair of white sandals. Peeta still isn't awake but I leave him be. The bakery has been quite busy lately so he has been quite stressed and this week has been complaining of headaches constantly. On a weekend what is the point in waking him when he doesn't need to be up early. Sophie and I head to the market that morning, buying fruit for lunch and veg for dinner. We also pick up diapers for the triplets, recalling Haymitch saying a day or two ago they were running out. We call to their house on the way home. I give Haymitch the diapers, he thanks me and offers to pay me back but I shake my head explaining there's no need. Sophie runs through the house out to the back garden to say hello to Effie who gives her a hug in greeting. She pulls off her gloves from which she was using to protect her hands from the roses she was planting. Sophie asks her
"Can I help you? Please please please!!"
So a few minutes later I leave alone, my little gardener staying to help tend Haymitch and Effie's garden. I walk over to my own house, stopping at the door and sitting upon the steps. As my hands rest by my sides I feel the concrete cold at my touch. Then all of a sudden my whole body jumps as I hear something inside crash to the ground and shatter to pieces. I hear a deep scream and jump to my feet. Peeta. I run into the house.
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"Katniss! Katniss!"
The black fog clears and I am met with a blinding pain overwhelming my whole body and paralysing me from any movement as I slowly come forth to the reality before me. At first my surroundings are just a blur of colour, blotched with no clear image until eventually my focus settles and I see Haymitch and Effie knelt before me. Effie cries
"Katniss darling are you okay?!"
I open my mouth to reply despite the pain going through me at that moment but all I can manage is a wheeze. I can't make out any words, my throat feels tight as it throbs. Haymitch says, his voice worried
"She obviously can't talk. Look at her neck, it happened again...."
What's happened again? I can't remember... The last thing that comes to mind is entering the house after hearing a scream. Then the horrifying images pass through my mind. Being slammed against the wall, hearing the vase smash as I fell to the ground. I look to the ground now and see the pieces, my shattered heart amongst them as I recall the event. Then I see his face in my mind, the eyes sparking with madness and the blue fighting to surface from the black ocean as he slams me to the wall. It wasn't him but it was. He was trapped in the situation yet he was still in it. Peeta... He's not here, he fled. I don't know how I feel about that right now, all I feel is pain. I don't even known what's wrong and where is the source of the pain is all I know is it has overridden my whole body. I know something is wrong, bones broken possibly. Nothing visible at the moment. I try to sit up but then grit my teeth from screaming in pain. I feel like someone is stabbing me all across my abdomen. Haymitch grabs one of my arms, Effie the other to sit me back up slowly. Haymitch tells me
"Don't move Katniss"
He is pale, worried and unable to think of what to do. Effie is the same. I know where the majority of my pain is sourced now, I don't know why. I look down at my hands, the skin cut badly and oozing with blood. I slowly rub them off my jeans then reach my hand under my coat. Immediately when my fingers go to touch my bare skin upon my stomach it meets something else. A deep open wound. I pull my hand out from beneath my coat to find my entire hand coated in blood. Haymitch and Effie look at the blood in shock and fear, reflecting my feelings as if they were a mirror. I hear Haymitch mutter
"Shit...."
Effie says
"We need to get you to a hospital"
Haymitch nods at her and then together they help pick me up from my spot amongst the shattered glass and my shattered heart that lies with it. I bite down aged on my lip to resist the urge, the need to scream. Biting to the extent that blood comes gushing from my lip after my teeth rip the bottom lip open. That's honestly the least of my problems. Haymitch says something to Effie as they help me into the front of the car in the passenger seat. Effie rushes off as Haymitch gets into the drivers seat. I feel the pain increasing, black spots filling my vision with every painful move of my body. I want to say I'm okay but I can't guarantee that. I want to say all I can think about is Peeta, but it's not. All I can think about now is Sophie and how this can't be the end for me, I can't abandon that girl, it would be so unfair for her to experience that a second time. And also this can't be the end of me, the end of my life that I fought so hard to keep. This can't be the end, after obtaining my humanity and healing myself this can't possibly be what finished me, my own lover, my dandelion can't possibly be my killer. I feel myself drifting, not toward the blue sea of love but the Black Sea of death, darkness and never ending silence that comes to the afterlife. I glance at my t-shirt, the pretty pink t-shirt that was once pink hours ago but now a sickly colour of blood. This is my final sight as a wave of black pulls me under. Then I see a light like a star, a vision, a pathway leading me into what I suggest is heaven. I follow the light.
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I open my eyes. The sky is clear blue, not a cloud in sight nor a worry. I am sitting amongst the grass, daisies brushing my fingers as I feel them at my touch. I wonder if this is real. Suddenly I hear my voice called
"Katniss!"
The soft voice so recognisable yet so long since it hit my eardrum, rattled my body with joy and made me jump to my feet as it does now. I turn to her. She runs to me, hugging me in greeting. At first I question if this is real again, but then I tell myself I don't care. Since her death all I have wanted is a moment like this, just a moment to see her again even if it isn't real, to feel real. To feel like she can be with me just one more time. I say softly clutching her tiny unreal body in my arms
"Oh Prim..."
She pulls away slowly and looking at me with those eys that died with so much knowledge that was yet to be shared contained. She says to me
"You can't stay here Katniss"
Why not? Why can't I? I thought I'm stuck here anyway. There is no coming back from death. I can't question myself anymore because she is speaking yet again
"Your not dead Katniss, you have a choice to go back. You have to go back. They need you down there, Peeta needs you"
I snap back, angered that she wants to leave me again
"He did this to me"
She gives me a sad smile, slowly shaking her head making me realise how mature she still is, how she's always been. She says
"We both know that wasn't really him. You know who the real him is. You may not see it now, you may be angry with Peeta for what he did but you have to remember that's not truly him. Moments like this have happened before and will continue to happen but you just have to remember that he's not always like that, he loves you. I love you. But you have to go now, you can't leave him"
I clutch her shoulders, tears streaming down my face as I tell her
"Don't leave me"
She shakes her head and taking my hands in hers tells me
"I have never left you, I'll always be with you. In here"
She points to my heart. I then hug her one last time, not letting go until she's gone and once again I am alone. Then the light comes again, drawing me back to a painful reality.
YOU ARE READING
What if?- A Mockingjay Story
Fanfiction*HUGE DISCLAIMER* I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS 12YRS OLD, SO EXCUSE GRAMMAR AND CRINGINESS What if.....? Katniss has finally returned to District 12 both haunted and shattered by the past knowing the peace gained does not supply her with security and ha...
