You Are My Sunshine

Chapter 52 - A Leap Of Faith

"When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump. Otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life." – J.C Chandor

The dimly lit living room of Juice's apartment was the worst, and probably the best, place for Amelia to receive the news. Nodding with a blank stare as Donna spoke, apologetically and hurried to get it all out before she was hung up on, Amelia almost felt weightless. There was no choice now, there was no teetering, and it seemed now as foolish to her as it was to everyone else. How could she be with him after the cheating and the lies? She couldn't and again, even thought it was not the choice he wanted, he made the decision for her.

"Okay," she uttered, ending the call and tossing the phone on the couch. "Tara's pregnant," Amelia laughed bitterly. "She's pregnant."

"I know," Juice admitted.

"You know?" She gasped. "How the fuck did you know?"

"I just found out," he said defensively, his eyes flicking around in his head. "Wait, I just called Ope a little while ago and told him, and now, what, did Donna call you?"

"Yeah," Amelia's eyebrows furrowed, her jaw clenching. "Tell me everything you know, Juice."

Not calling him Juan Carlos, as she tended to do, hurt him and cleared conveyed how angry she was. He nodded and slowly moved further into the room. "Ope called me, Mae saw them together so he asked me to dig up some shit on Tara. I got into her Saint Thomas patient files and saw that they're both pregnant. I called him right after."

"Both?" It was clear how betrayed and hurt she was. "What is this? This can't be fucking real. I can't do this shit anymore. Who the fuck isn't lying to me?"

"I was going to tell you," Juice admitted. "Ope told me not to but I was going to anyway but you know, it's not one of those things you just blurt out as soon as you get here."

"I guess he called her," Amelia mused. "I don't even care I'm just done. Why should I care? He didn't care about anything," she said calmly. "He lied, he cheated, and he didn't even care enough about his health or mine to WRAP HIS GODDAMN DICK."

Juice stepped back as she screamed in his direction. He'd seen her truly angry before and he'd seen her suffer through pain but the extreme response he saw then made him look at her differently. It wasn't bad, it shined a light on who she was, on how growing up in an MC, as a female, did.

"I'm not going to say I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"I don't want you to," she was suddenly calm again, eerily so. "Everyone apologies for him, Clay, Gemma, me and Ope, we all do it. I just want to apologize to you, I've been pretty fucking awful keeping you waiting, taking what I need and what I want from you. I'm sorry."

"I'm a giver," he shrugged with a sweet smile.

Her heart fluttered. "You know how they say not to make decisions, big or small, under duress or in a heightened emotional state?"

"Uhh yeah," he knew she'd never give him an answer anytime soon or so he thought. "I wasn't even gonna ask, Amelia, it's okay, really. I'm the last person you should worry about right now. Now is not the time to talk about us."

"I've always done that," she looked around at his shabby apartment but felt more comfortable there than anywhere. "It was always the decisions I thought too hard on that fucked me up. It took me like, six weeks, to decide to come home to Jax because I knew deep down it would end this way."

"Then why did you do it?" He asked, deeply interested in the psychology surrounding that choice now that she'd given him such insight.

"Because I loved him, even though I knew he didn't know how to be in the kind of relationship I wanted, or maybe he didn't want to, I don't know. I wanted him and I wanted to try for Alice, before I even knew she'd be Alice." Creepily, she began to laugh. "Watch, that whore will pop out a boy, I just know it, and everyone will be so happy."