You Are My Sunshine

Chapter 49 - Unseen Consequences

"You were a risk, a mystery and the most certain thing I'd ever known." - Beau Taplin

*The Next Morning*

In her head on the way home from Juice's, where she slept alone, Amelia imagined or maybe just hoped that Jax would sneak out the back once she got there. She had the best time with Juice, even if it was strictly platonic, and it only made her feelings that much more confusing. It pained her to know it was impossible and so wrong even though she felt he was the only constant she had and the only man who had no others ahead of her. It was selfish, and she knew that, but all she ever wanted was to be someone's first choice and top priority. Despite her hopes she was let down yet again when she saw Jax was still there. Half expecting the locks to be changed, Amelia exhaled the deep breath she'd been holding in anticipation as the lock clicked open and she stepped over the threshold. She was greeted by a livid Jax who stood with his bags piled around his feet.

"Hi," she sighed.

"I know you want distance here," he said coolly then took a long pause.

"But?" Amelia crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

"Don't let Tara do this, Meely. Don't let her fuck this us, that's what she wanted from jump." He opened his arms, his hands palms up, and gazed at her longingly.

Amelia's chin quivered, feeling the pull of his vividly blue and pleading eyes, but she forced herself to ignore it for the first time in her life.

"Tara did not do this, Jax and you know that. Tara didn't make a promise, she didn't break our vows."

"It was before!" He snapped. "I never touched her after the wedding, shit Meels when we got married it was supposed to be a clean slate."

"You don't get it," she sighed, her hands dropping to her sides. "The wedding, that was just a symbol. That vow, the commitment, that was what we were before. The ceremony was just...procedure."

"You're the only woman I've ever loved," he said earnestly but Amelia didn't know if she could even trust that. "Amelia, since we were kids I've loved you."

"Then why did you do it?" The words tore at her by they stirred more questions than the nostalgic loving thoughts he was going for. "Shit, if this is how you treat the people you love, I don't want you to love me."

"Don't say that," he begged. "I need you in this with me, I need you Amelia."

Gemma's voice played in her head, words from a recent discussion the two had, surprisingly about Opie rather than Jax. Gemma said, "Only men need to be loved, women only need to feel wanted," and Amelia saw that in Jax's eyes.

"If you need me why did you go to her? What, was I too busy caring for our child? Scouring through real estate ads to find houses for us, my brother and a place for Juice? Supporting you and listening to you and cooking and cleaning? Was I too busy to love you? To praise you? You're not a child, life is fucking hard. You should have talked to me because you know that reassurance you found her nasty pussy, I needed that too but I didn't do what you did."

He stared at her, realizing her assumptions were on point, and wondered if this would be the time he wouldn't woo her back.

"I'm sorry," he sighed, his eyes closing.

"You've said that," Amelia murmured. "Jackson, I need to figure this out. I...I don't know how I feel, or what I want. You can...do what you want, crow eaters, her, I don't even care. Maybe it'll help you decide if this is truly what you want for your life."

"I love you." He took two large steps and kissed her, his palm pressed against the small of her back, holding her close. "I want you."

She nodded, her eyes closed even after he ended the kiss, and stepped back from him. "You should go, Jax."