How Does It Go?..

Bit Of An Off Day

I was asked if I'd self harm again last night

I was feeling completely fine

I said "not the way I am feeling right now"

I thought that was true

But idk anymore

I think its just the mood I'm in right now

I'm so cold and I wanna not eat but at the same time i do

I really just want to go home and hug the few people who I know care about me..

I know I don't want to self harm, don't want to ever again, but I think I just do it when all I want is to be surrounded in hugs by those people

I hate my emotions so much..

I can't even write down everything I feel because people I know will see it

I'll write it in my InkPad or something

Anyway

I think I just all of a sudden felt like shit

How much I used to cry.. Compared to now.. Is so big

Every time I'm about to cry I tell myself 'no' and just stop

Then I open my eyes, kind of stare and just try to feel numb to my emotions

Sometimes I can't help the odd tear but I force it to stop after a bit

I used to like crying.. Somehow... if that even counts as frickin human

I Think right now I wouldn't mind having nothing in my life except for my family

I feel like crying but I dont want to..

And oh god please don't worry about me.. I don't want you to..

Ill probably be fine tomorrow

Just..

Having a bit off an off day..

-Arasnnie