How Does It Go?..

Binge

(From a couple days ago)

So I just got home from school

I feel like physically sick like I shouldn't eat anything

But I feel like binge eating hella hard

Listening to 'say something' and 'all of me' and 'impossible year' and 'the end of all things' and UDUSBXJSJ these songs I've been putting on repeat cause they make me feel complex shit

Cry

And cry

And cry more

This is what I feel like doing

But

I wont

At least I won't cry probably

Even though I feel sick I will still binge eat cause its a distraction

Makes me not feel the things that are killing me so much

Idk about listen to music

I am right now while writing this

But I'll probably eat and watch TV instead..

Until the parents want the TV or I just get sick of TV so I go into my music room and then listen to music again

Anyway long story short

Gonna slightly binge eat

Does this usually happen when you feel sad?.. Cause when I'm sad I don't want to eat at all

I feel like I've already lost my appetite and just don't need the food.. I feel sick right now but I'm going to binge slightly at least cause, once again, its a good distraction..

What ever happened to us being happy?

I swear its just a roller coaster every week

All the reasons to be happy

Feeling happier than ever

All of a sudden BAM feel sad mother fucker you deserve it now after that session of happiness where your life actually felt good..

Remember when we used to talk to our parents.. And When we got hurt, we'd go to our mum or dad and they would fix it..

We might be crying, with a scrape on our elbow

We'd go up to them and say "mummy/daddy... look I hurt myself" with tears running down our cheeks..

They kissed it better and said something like "its okay sweetie, youll be all right" with the biggest smile on their face.. And they wiped away our tears to make it all better..

Mummy..

I'm sad and hurt.. But its a different kind of hurt..

What happened to the wiping away of my tears?..

What happened to the big smile and the 'it'll be all right sweetie'?..

What happened to them trying to make it feel better?..

-Arasnnie