One Choice

Chapter 43- I Will Never Forgive Myself:

Chapter 43- I Will Never Forgive Myself

          Jake held my hand and walked me to my door. He stopped me just before we reached the front door and pulled me to him. I was grinning from ear-to-ear. I was unable to place the thought of Jake finally changing me in the back of my mind. I was too excited to really think about anything else. I couldn’t stop thinking about it no matter how hard I tried. He finally said yes yesterday. All day today we did nothing but lounge around like a couple of lazy bums but it was still one of the best days ever because I got to spend it with Jake.

          He placed his hands on my hips and held me tightly. He connected his lips to mine and I fisted the front of his shirt, needing him to be closer to me. For the past two days the furthest Jake and I had been was three feet and even then I missed his touch like crazy. Sadly though, he had to do border patrol tonight with Alex and Mason so he couldn’t stay the night with me. I was going to miss him so much. Just thinking about it gave my heart a sinking feeling. I pulled Jake tighter to me, needing to feel as much of him as possible in the short minutes that we had left together until tomorrow.

          Being this far in the mating process was really doing something to me. Frankly, I didn’t know if I loved it or if it scared me. Probably a little bit of both. I couldn’t be parted from Jake for long. If I was, my chest would start to hurt, as if someone was drilling a sledge hammer through it and I’d start to have a difficult time breathing. Or so it seemed that way to me. I wondered if it would always be this way even after we fully mated.

          Jake pulled out of the kiss first, but he pressed his forehead against mine as we both tried to catch out breaths.

          “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise I won’t stay out too long,” he whispered to me. I nodded in understanding.

          “I’ll hold you to that,” I mumbled back. He stared into my eyes for a moment longer before closing the distance between us again. I gripped his hair tightly, not wanting to let go of him just yet. I didn’t want to let go of him, ever. But sadly, he pulled back with a groan and looked at me apologetically. His eyes looked pained, as if it was hurting him to have to be away from me. I felt exactly the same way and so I clung to him tighter, using all of my strength. Unfortunately, he was still stronger than me and he easily unhinged my arms from around him.

          “I’ll be back soon,” he said quietly before stepping away and turning to run into the forest. The pain in my chest started up and I placed a hand over my heart, trying to make it go away. But I knew that there was only one thing that could make it all better, and he just ran off for the night.

          I sighed for the hundredth time tonight and rolled over in my bed for the seventh. It’d been hours since I first climbed into my bed and I still wasn’t any closer to sleep than when I first laid down. The pain in my chest made it nearly impossible for me to even think of sleep. It seemed to be getting worse with every minute Jake was away from me.

          I rolled over to lay on my stomach and put an arm underneath my pillows. I buried my face into the pillow. I waited and waited for sleep to take me, I even tried counting sheep to see if that old trick would work. I even went back to Friday during school—back to my math class. I replayed my teacher’s lecture in my head over and over again. I never did realize it when I eventually did fall asleep.