We're so far away from you

An old soul if you will.

“I am not saying n-…I am just saying...give me time I just need to see.”

“Need to see what?”

“If you are really going to be there for me.”

“You know I will be... you know this.”

“Do I?”

“Bells..”

“Look lets just enjoy our kids birthday and then we will talk about us alright?”

“Alright.”

We laughed, we played games, we opened presents and we sang horribly off key.

But we had a great day... so far.

“Who wants cake.”

“We do!!”

“Now now Frank you will get a piece after the birthday boy and girl.”

“Aw man.”

“Here you go but you know the tradition guys.”

“moma do we have to?”

“Mama please we don’t want to.”

“You know its tradition guys and if mama does it on her birthday you do to.”

“but mo-”

And with that I covered my boy’s face with cake…but something I didn’t count on took control…Frank Iero.

“Cake fight!!”

Lets just say that by the end of it we all needed showers…hot showers to get the frosting out of our hair.

“So sweetie how did you enjoy your party?”

“I loved it mama. Thank you!”

“Oh no sweetie don’t thank me thank dad alright?”

“daddy!”

Lee ran off to find Gee and thank him.

While Luke was just sitting on the bench covered in white frosting with a look on his face.

“Hey there babe whats going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Ah ah that’s a lie come on tell me.”

“Well…I just I..”

“You just like your dad come on tell moma whats wrong?”

“I saw you and dad earlier…what did dad do to you?”

Shit he saw that?”

“I heard you crying earlier too in the morning when Uncle William sang to you. Moma what did dad do?”

He look at me with those shiny hazels eyes, just like his dad.

He even started growing out his hair like him too.

I couldn’t lie to him, even if I wanted to.

“I thought Dad betrayed me and it broke my heart a little bit, but it was someone trying to come in between us again.”

“Was it that bitch again?”

“Luke watch that mouth. And yes it was her trying to break dad and me apart.”

“whats going to happen between you two?”

“I don’t know sugar. I just need some time to figure out if dad really cares about us.”

“he loves you moma you have to see that he does.”

“I feel it sometimes but if I am so easily convinced that dad would hurt me like that then there is something wrong with me.”

“You are afraid aren’t you moma?”

“Honestly sugar yeah…yeah I am.”

“why?”

“Because I don’t want to end up like your grandmother. Bitter, a drunk, and non forgiving.”

“But you aren’t like her moma. And don’t ever doubt that dad loves you, you can just look at him with he looks at you and know that he loves you.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Because he looks at you like you are the only person in the room, his eyes sparkle and he just has this smile plastered on his face. Moma dad loves you more than you know. And if you don’t let him in, dad is not going to be there one day.”

I looked at my 6 year old son.

He was wise beyond his years, an old soul if you will.

“and here I thought I was going to be comforting you, but my little boy is comforting me.”

“Anytime moma. I love you.”

“I love you too sugar. More than my own life.”

He hugged him close to me.

But he was right.

I had to let him in.

I had to let him all the way in.