We're so far away from you

you are my only exception

I put the twins to bed and just went to bed.

I was just physically and emotionally drained.

I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I wouldn't be able to at this pint.

I changed into a shirt and some shorts and just fell on to my bunk.

I thought I would just sleep and wake up when it was day but no...it was one of those nights...

I screamed myself awake.

"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

I sat up and tried to get my breathing under control

and suddenly I had these arms wrapped around me

"Hey there shhh its alright sugar."

"Gee?"

"Yeah Bells its me. its alright I am here."

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh I just wanted to chat with Matt with some things."

"Oh alright....what things?"

"Nothing I just wanted to help him with some questions for his interview and then when I realized it was late he told me I could crash on the couch."

"Oh...."

I was still shaken up...havent had one that brutal before...not since..i shook the feeling off.

I didn't want to think about it.

to see that...I just can't...I won't think it....

his arms were still around me holding me close and stroking my hair.

"you want to tell me what it was about?"

"No..."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to think about it..."

you are keeping him out.

no I don't want to...

"Please?"

and then I heard my baby boy's voice in my head

'Moma dad loves you more than you know. And if you don't let him in, dad is not going to be there one day.'

"I-I.."

"It will make you feel better."

he has a point

"I dreamed that...you...had...died...and that I never got to tell you something."

"Tell me what?"

"Tell you that...that..."

"What sugar?"

"that I love you."

he held me closer and kissed the top of my head

"you know how I feel Bells. Just give us a chance. and don't believe anything she says because I have told you everything. You know me, you know all the shit I had to get through to be this guy. Even before I met you. You know me."

"I just...I am use to people letting me down. My parents...I thought they were the perfect marriage and one little mistake happened and look what happened to them. and I got it drilled into my head that real love, a love between a man and a woman never lasts...or doesn't exists and then I met you and....you just turned my world upside down."

he didn't say a word...he just held me.

he put his his mouth to my ear and sang

"You are the only exception...you are the only exception and oh I'm on my way to believing."

I don't know what it was just hearing him sing those verses or the fact that I just felt so vulnerable but I just started to cry.

"hey angel why are you crying?"

"Because..."

"Why?"

"Because I am finally starting to let you in..."

I was going to do it....the first guy that I can remember...he is just breaking down all my walls and not giving up.

he is making is way through everything...because maybe just maybe he really does love me....maybe love really is real.