Dan woke up with a terrible headache and an arm around his waist. He didn't remember what happened.
He blinked his eyes open and looked around the room. It looked like a typical hotel room, really. Then he remembered the arm around his waist and looked down at the bed he was in. Then he noticed.
It was Phil.
At first, he got the thought that maybe he did the frick frack with Phil last night. He dismissed it, but then realized that both of their shirts were off, too...
He tried to sit up to figure things out, when pain seared up from well... his ass. That's when he knew that he did, in fact, do the frick frack with Phil.
He was going to brush it off, but when he (successfully) sat up, moving Phil's arm from his waist, he noticed the ring on his finger.
That hadn't been there before...
He checked Phil's hands out of genuine curiosity, but was flabbergasted when he saw that their rings were a pair.
Fuck.
He married Phil last night.
Wait, what the fuck actually happened last night?
Dan remembered drinking tons of alcohol and gambling.
Oh right. They were in Vegas.
He was full-on panicking at this moment when all of the facts settled into his brain.
He tried waking Phil up, but he wouldn't. He filled up a pitcher with ice cold water and threw it at his face.
Phil instantly woke up.
"What the shitaki mushrooms, Dan," Phil asked furiously, mad at being woken up.
Dan shoved his hand into Phil's face and also indicated to Phil's hand too, showing off the glistening wedding rings. "WELL, APPARENTALLY WE'RE MARRIED NOW!"
Phil actually legimitally tilted his head in confusion. "We weren't before?"
Dan felt like yanking his hair out, "No!"
"Huh," Phil said, obviously not interested. "I could've sworn we were."
Phil then proceeded to fall asleep, obviously not caring about the marriage.
Dan called the front desk of the hotel to complain that he wasn't gay.
"Right," The Front Desk Lady said, rolling her eyes. "That's not what all the staff heard last night."
"IM NOT GAY!!" Dan exclaimed before hanging up the phone.
Somehow him screaming about how he wasnt gay did not wake Phil up.
Dan decided there was only one thing to do.
Pulling out his cellphone, Dan dialed a phone number that was familiar to him.
"Hello?"
"Nick Jonas, I'm in Las Vegas."
"Oh my god, same!"
"Well, I kinda need your help.... I got married...?"
"Got you, fam."
Nick hung up.
Dan waited patiently.
Suddenly, the door broke down and Nick Jonas walked into the room, carrying an AK47 and asked Dan where the "husband" was at.
Dan pointed to Phil.
Nick shot Phil, who died instantly, and ran over to his buddy, leaning in for that cheesy movie kiss.
Dan rejected him. "I'm not gay."
Nick scoffed, "Yeah, I kinda don't believe that."
Dan grabbed Nick's AK47 and shot Nick, who died. "Nobody says that I'm gay and gets away with it," Dan said, ready to go find that Front Desk Lady and teach her an important lesson.
-fin-
I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened.
~Ashley
