a/n: vaguely based on she had the world by panic! at the disco.
Dan Howell was a very bored man, who also happened to have a lot of time on his hands. Having just dropped out of university due to a life crisis, he doesn't have a lot to do.
He has a job at a clothing store, but other than that, he has free time. And he figured he should get to know more people.
So, he went to a few parties and made some friends. But one of them, he decided, would be different.
But it's worthy of notice that hormones really do effect his judgement. To him, this one was only special because he was unimaginably gorgeous.
Dan liked pretty things. But he liked them because they were pretty. He had no genuine feelings for this guy. It was all lust and the need to waste time.
The man didn't even know. Phil had been charmed by him, charmed by his wit, his expression. Charmed by the way he is. There were genuine feelings on his part.
However, they were spending less and less time together. Dan was trying to pick his life back up. He got a better job, more friends, some people who were more than that but also less at the same time.
But Phil cared. Phil cared about the man who could talk about the inevitably of his future without a fear, the man who could make him laugh for ages. The man he had fallen for, apparently.
Phil wasn't Dan's only. Though their friendship had teetered closer to the romantic spectrum, and they had done some not so innocent things, that didn't make Dan his. Dan was his own person.
And Dan didn't really care. This hadn't been apparent to him for a while. But slowly he noticed things.
He noticed that Dan sometimes ignored him for small stretches of time. He noticed Dan had a string of others who were close to him in that way. He noticed the way Dan looked at him before they (although it happened rarely) kissed.
Their kisses were normally the aftermath of passionate stares into each other's eyes. But Phil had noticed that it seemed like Dan stared past him. Not really focusing on his eyes. And then they would kiss, but it seemed plain. Not special, because Dan didn't even look at him like this was something he felt a longing for.
Obviously, Phil had no doubts about his theory when Dan told him plainly that he didn't love him.
It had been a rainy afternoon, in which they stayed inside Phil's flat. Looking out the window, inspecting the clouds, Dan had announced that he had to leave shortly after.
Phil pleaded for him to stay. He knew Dan was probably leaving his flat to visit someone else. It made his stomach churn with anguish.
Phil had innocently pouted and said, "Aw come on. Don't you love me?"
Clearly, it was a joke. However, Dan didn't joke back. "No," he stated plainly, with a shake of his head.
No emotions involved. Just the statement. He didn't.
Phil desperately wished to not embarrass himself. He had secretly held hope in his heart that Dan would return some feelings for him, and it was pathetic. He was crushed, but he didn't want Dan to know that.
"I know," Phil replied, and even he could hear the sadness in his voice that he had failed to disguise.
Dan didn't even look back at him or acknowledge him. He grabbed his jacket from the chair, put it on, and left with only a simple message.
"See you later," he said, and then he walked out.
The sound of the door slamming shut released Phil from the mountain of sorrow building up. It had transformed into reluctant acceptance.
He knew for sure Dan didn't love him. Now he just had to get over him, but he knew it would be diffucult if Dan was close.
He pushed him away. But Dan didn't seem to mind.
He had other ways to occupy his time now.
fin.
A/N: i wrote this obviously while thinking of She had the world lyrics, but i think it would also go well with I Don't Love You by MCR.
Take your pick, I guess.
