i'm trying what is normally summarized as hurt/comfort, since my oneshots are typically just hurt...
It's raining and Phil is crying, sniffling and desperately gasping for all the air he can get. It's raining and Phil is finding it hard to breathe.
He takes deep breaths and tells himself that everything is fine, and if it isn't, it will be. Pain is only temporary when you allow it to be, and wallowing in it only drags it out.
He knows this, but it doesn't help. Nothing can help stop his heart from racing, but that's a good thing. It makes him feel alive.
There's a loud banging on his door. Loud calls from his friend, asking him to open the door or he'll break it down. Phil doesn't think about it that much.
All he can focus on is the thought of his boyfriend. His dead boyfriend, with his kind green eyes and messy black hair. The only one who made him feel special is gone, and it's all his fault.
Phil's boyfriend wasn't happy. He was constantly talking about being held down by depression, and Phil had no idea what to do. He tried to help, and sometimes it felt like it was working. There were good days when all his boyfriend would do was laugh and smile.
His boyfriend covered up all his bad days, but Phil now knew how much he had missed. The way he frowned as soon as Phil looked away. The way he looked sad when he thought nobody could see him.
It was Phil's fault that he died. It was Phil's fault that he didn't get all the help he needed.
It's raining and the door breaks open, allowing his friend to run in his room and hug him carefully. "Are you okay?" Dan asked.
Phil smiled bitterly. "Are we ever okay, when we're all just lying?"
Dan frowned, unsure what to think considering his friend was normally composed of sunshine and warmth that reached him on the dreariest of days. "I don't know," he sighed, and pulled Phil closer. "Talk to me."
Phil takes a deep breath and starts confessing all of his thoughts. "I guess I'm just thinking about the way that nobody cares if you're losing yourself until you try to end it. That's when they show their concern."
"None of us could've known," Dan tells him gently, sighing as he rested his chin on top of Phil's head. "You can't blame yourself for this, you know."
"Yes, I can," Phil retorted, looking down at the carpet underneath his feet. "He was the love of my life. I could've done anything."
"You can't blame yourself," Dan repeated, seeming to ignore Phil's reply to that statement. "Blaming yourself will not help. He'd want you to be happy, wouldn't he?"
"Yeah," Phil said, "but I can't. Not without him around."
It's raining and Dan's heart hurts with the pain that Phil feels. It may not be his own pain, but seeing Phil go through this made it his own.
The two remain silent after that. There's not a lot that can be said to help someone's grief through the loss of a loved one, but sometimes being there speaks louder than words.
And Phil knew that things weren't okay now, but they would be, because it's raining but Dan is still here. If Dan is still with him, then he can get better.
It's raining, and that may be dragging him down, but one day the sun will shine again and lead the way to happiness.
One day, he will be okay.
