Joshler One Shots

Sad

a/n; tw; suicide

Josh was sad. 'Was' still is sad. He misses Tyler, the feeling he gets; when he looks over his shoulder and is met with empty sheets rather than his sleeping boyfriend, is one unexplainable feeling.

He's been gone for weeks, Josh told himself that everyday, yet it never helped. If anything, it made things worse. Josh would much rather forget how long he's been gone, how long he's been without the love of his life.

He thought it was his fault, it wasn't of course, since there was nothing he could've done to stop it, but he surely thought there was.

Josh sat up from his previous position in his bed, the cold December air caused bumps to rise on his pale skin. He slipped out from under the comforter and walked slowly to his closet, pulling out a hoodie and slipping it on.

He didn't want to go outside, he wanted to stay in his apartment, even if it meant he would be trapped with the memories of his boyfriend of three years. Even though his thoughts were dangerous, scary even, Tyler couldn't do anything about them, Tyler claimed he was happy. He couldn't of been hiding what he said he was, it's impossible, he was never good at keeping secrets.

Tyler Joseph may not of been confident, but Josh was always there o help. Tyler had told Josh he was doing better, that his thoughts weren't getting to him anymore, that he was okay.

He lied.

---

The next day, Josh wasn't sure if he could do it anymore. He couldn't bring himself to leave his house the day before, that was it for him.

It was the first time he's cried since Tyler's been gone. It wasn't that strange, really. Tyler's only seen him cry once. Josh smiled softly, wishing Tyler was there to comfort him, as he had done then.

"Josh?" Tyler whispered, turning on the bedside lamp. Josh was laying on his back, hands over his face and body shaking with sobs. Tyler's eyes widened and he turned to the boy, placing his hands on his shoulders. "Joshy? Josh, baby please, you're okay. I'm here, I promise." Josh looked up for a split second and immediately wrapped his arms around Tyler.

"What's wrong, babe? What happened?" Tyler whispered, running his fingers softly over the boys back. Josh told him how he was so sad, how he was afraid he'd leave him one day, how he loved Tyler so much and never wanted him to leave. Tyler told him he wouldn't, that he would always be there, that Josh had nothing to worry about.

The memory only made Josh cry harder. He couldn't take it, after all this time he was finally letting his walls down. He was finally letting his emotions out. Josh stood abruptly, making his way towards the bathroom connecting to his bedroom. He knew how stupid he was, he also knew he needed to do this. He needed to see Tyler again.

Just as Josh managed to take the blade out with shaky hands, there was a loud bang on the door of his apartment. Josh bit his lip and huffed quietly, he placed the blade carefully on the side of the sink before trudging off to answer the door.

"Joshua Dun? This is for you."

---

A week later, it was the first time Josh had left his apartment since Tyler's death. He stood alone in the cemetery, dressed in all black holding a scrunched up invitation in his hand, which he had received a week prior. Josh surrounded by some familiar faces, who dared not to approach him, but he couldn't blame them, he knew he must've looked as dead as Tyler was.

The service began and the realisation slowly began hitting Josh, each minute like a punch to the gut. Tyler was dead, no note, no reason for explanation, he had just left. Josh felt numb, yet he still noticed the tears that escaped, he noticed the looks of sympathy and remorse Tyler's friends and family had given him, he noticed how everyone else had someone's shoulder to cry on, but Josh didn't. Tyler was Joshs shoulder to cry on.

Josh turned back and looked at Tyler's grave once more before leaving

Tyler Robert Joseph,
December 1988 - January 2017

---

Josh stood facing himself in the mirror, his sunken face and bloodshot eyes, he almost didn't recognise himself, his once red hair had completely faded, his beard growing more as he couldn't bring himself to shave. Josh looked himself in the eyes, he knew there was only one way to fix it.

"I'll be there soon Tyler, I miss you too much to stay." Josh whispered quietly as he downed a bottle off pills and washed them away with the first bottle of alcohol he could find.

Joshua Dun.
June 1988 - February 2017