Heart Broken (Unedited)

Chapter Sixteen

"A heartbreak is a blessing from God,it's His way of letting you realize he saved you from the wrong one"

*
Today, i do not feel like going to work so i am seated in the living room watching CNN as i wait for the wife to wake up. Two hours later, i am bored out of wits so i kept flipping through channels and found none of interest. I was on the phone with a colleague when she walked into the living room. Dressed in a beautiful purple dress decorated with tiny black swarovski stones and her hair tucked in a black turban, she looks beautiful as always. She said salam with a shy smile and greeted me then excused herself to go make breakfast. I called her back before she was out of sight. When she came back, she stood behind the sofa. I motioned with my eyes for her to sit. And she took a seat giving me a questioning stare.

Ruqayyah there are a few things i want us to discuss please, i started.

But first, i have a question for you. Why were you crying yesterday?

She lowered her head and began fiddling with her fingers. After a minute of silence, i took that as a cue to continue talking.

I am not sure if you shed tears because i skipped lunch. But i am certain that you cried because of me. Because of something i did to you.

I sighed as i scanned her eyes for any sign of confirmation but she was still fiddling with her fingers and looking at them.

I'll take your silence as what i'm saying is right. Ruqayyah i know i have wronged you. I know i have made you cry several times. I have fallen short in carrying out my responsibilities as your husband. I have deprived you happiness since the day you got married to me. I've behaved like a monster. An illiterate.

She looked up at me but remained quiet.

Ruqayyah i am so sorry for everything. For the pain i've caused you for the whole year we've been married, for the wrong i have done. Please forgive me!

With pleading eyes, i met her gaze and she just nodded.

I however cannot force you to do that. I can only hope that you do. Plead with you.

And then she spoke in that melodious heart melting voice.

Ya Ahmad i forgive you. I have always forgiven you.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Ruqayyah. May Allah bless you.

We both smiled.

Ruqayyah i am shattered. My heart a broken china. I loved with all of me and all that i've got. And stupidly i thought that person felt the same for me (laughs) but i was wrong. I was so naive. Yes i was. The memories are still etched in me like engravings on stone walls.The pain still fresh. It hurts like salt sprinkled on open cuts, even more (exhales). Everybody thought it was normal. That i'd forget it. Forget about her with time. But you know what? They were all wrong 'cause for every passing second and every breath i take, i remembered her. Whenever i close my eyes, its she i see. Whenever i remain quiet, i hear her whispering sweet nothings. I hear her laughter. I see her smile on every billboard. Crazy, right. Yeah. She got me bad (scoffs). I still remember the day she left. She left with my heart. My happiness. Boy, she left with my sanity. I had no peace. For years i've wallowed in sorrow. Drowned in grief. She led me on. Made me believe all she said was true. She made promises. She said nothing would ever break us apart. But no she lied. She stopped respecting me. She stopped caring for me. She stopped loving me. She broke my trust. She betrayed me. She used my weakness against me. She betrayed me. They say that love is blind. Yeah i testify to that.

I looked up at Ruqayyah whose eyes are moist. But i have to tell her.

Ruqayyah everyone was worried for me. Hajiya, my siblings, my friends, everybody. They were all scared for me. Scared that i'll get an attack (points chest) but this heart is much more stronger than that (smiles). And then you came along. From the onset, i hated the idea of another woman. But when i got to know it was arranged, i felt pity for you at first 'cause maybe you had a man whom you love. Then you came and acted like its all okay, like you wanted it all along. And i was hurt. I was so upset that it was okay for you. So pissed 'cause you're the stronger person. You're the person whom accepted fate wholeheartedly.

I kept mute for a few minutes with my emotions all over the place. I felt i should stop talking but thought against it. She deserves to hear it.

From day one, i compared you to her, Sakinah. From the way you look to the way dress. From the way you talk to the way you walk. The way you behave. The respect you have for my family, the way they all loved and accepted you from their first encounter with you. The way you act all shy and all. The way you carry yourself. You are so down to earth. A very humble person. So disciplined and upright. So patient. Many at times i eavesdrop on your phone conversations expecting to hear you report to anyone about my behavior or complain about how i treat you. Haram, i know. Forgive me. But no, you kept praising me, you gave a good image of me to your family and everybody even though i have treated you with so much disdain. Then i think of all the times i wronged you and even though i hurt you, you pray to Allah to forgive me for what i've done and to ease my pain for me. There was this time i heard you praying for me while crying. You said and i quote; "May the pain that they caused him stop him from hurting anyone else because he knows how the pain feels" Wallahi Ruqayyah i started liking you from that day.

Saying it, it felt so disappointing.

And then i realised one thing Ruqayyah, that you are better. Better than her in all ways. I guess i was just so blinded that i never saw her imperfections. I was thinking with my heart and not my head. You know something Ruqayyah, from that day till today i kept thanking Allah for bringing you my way. For making you my wife. I made peace with myself and even though i wasn't able to give you the love you deserve, i will try.

I smiled and move to sit close to her. Then took her hands in mine.

Ruqayyah. I know i'm still yet to fully recuperate and i'm still a bit insecure. I still have trust issues and i'm very much broken.

I looked into her eyes and i kept her gaze.

Ruqayyah would you give this broken asshole a chance? Would you help him heal and find his way again? Would you teach him how to love you? Again?

And we both bursted out in laughter. I reached my thumb and wiped a tear off my cheek.

Ya Ahmad i'm sorry i am not what you wanted. You do not know how it feels when you ignore me or when i try so hard to impress you and you do not appreciate my efforts. I hated those times you embarrass me in the presence of your siblings. Yes you've made me cry and i've had sleepless nights thinking of a way out. There were times i wished it was Adda Hamidah and not me 'cause i know she wouldn't have let you off so easily. No man is perfect. We all have faults and i have never for once regretted my parents' choice. And yes i am willing to start over and give this asshole a chance(laughs).

Ouch Mrs Ahmad. Not so nice now huh.' Asshole' doesn't sound nice coming from your pretty mouth.

I hugged her and we stayed like that for a long while.

And sixteen. I do hope you like it 'cause i loved typing this one. I had initially wanted to prolong their miseries but yours truly just isn't a fan of it. So comments please. And don't be stingy with that star.
❤❤❤