Heart Broken (Unedited)

Thirty-Five

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness,only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate,only love can do that"

Ruqayyah

I think i just got a brain freeze. Did i just hear Ya Ahmad's name? I pinched myself to confirm if i wasn't dreaming and to my horror it wasn't a dream. Ya Allah! i felt all these foreign emotions i can't even explain. I don't want to believe it's my husband she has been talking about all along. Ya Rabbi what have i gotten myself into. I cannot just hand over my husband to her, no i can't. I am so confused right now. I felt her eyes on me and that snapped me out of my thoughts. I forced a smile and shuffled to my feet quickly making it for the door. Making up an excuse that my husband expected me be back home in an hour and i had already spent almost four hours. I rushed out, feeling my leg could no longer carry my weight, i almost toppled over. My vision became blurry and my temples hurt so bad. I hailed a rickshaw and gave him directions.

On reaching the gates of our house, i fetched some currencies from my bag and shoved it towards the rickshaw driver who was saying something about the money being too much and shouting a thank you behind me. I ignored him and went straight into the house. Baba gateman was also asking if i was alright but i just dismissed him and went further into the house. I was thankful when i didn't meet Ya Ahmad in the main living room or bump into him in the hallway leading to our rooms. As soon as i was in the comfort of my room, i broke down. I cried like a three year old whose candy has been snatched away from her. I don't even know what to believe anymore. The man i'm married to will never hit anybody let alone a woman. His wife. Or so i thought. Ukti seems like a pious woman who wouldn't just cook up false tales. Besides she's never even met my husband. I cried some more till sleep finally took over me. The sound of my phone's ringtone woke me up. It's a call from Ya Ahmad which i was hesistant to answer at first. The sound stopped signifying a missed call. Just as it stopped, it began ringing again. And like the first time i didn't answer. He called three more times before sending a message. I really didn't feel like talking to him but i was curious about the content of his message so i opened it.

Ya Ahmad: Ruqayyah i am so worried. Coming over to get you asap.

He doesn't address me as Ruqayyah unless its serious so i quickly typed a reply and sent it to him.

Me: Ya Ahmad i'm already home. In my room.

Keeping the phone on the vanity, i slowly dragged my feet to the bathroom to make wudhu. When i came out, he was standing by the door. He rushed towards me and enveloped me in a hug. Slowly he released me and looked me straight in the eye.

You almost gave me an attack Adda Roukie. You should always answer your calls and reply your messages. Please. I was so worried. Its unlike you to stay out late without informing me.

I forced a smile and nodded before mummuring a barely audible sorry. He searched my face closely before speaking.

Beautiful is something wrong? Are you alright? Have you been crying? You look sick.

I shook my head no before moving away from him and onto my praying mat where i began praying my late maghrib and Isha. When he came back into the room, i had began reciting the Qur'an so he sat cross legged next to me and recited with me. Immediatelywe finished reciting and said our dua's, he handed me a glass of water and two white tablets which i presume are analgesics. Holding my hand in his and the glass in the other, he helped me up and led me to the kitchen. Without saying a word he pulled an island stool and motioned for me to sit down which i did. He kept two clean bowls on the island and poured some milk in each then reached out for a box of cereal atop one of the cabinets and kept it in between the two bowls. I on the other hand was quiet all the while as he went about his things. He poured the fruit loops into both bowls then pulled out another stool and sat next to me. He held two spoons in his left hand. With his right, he took a red apple off the fruit basket that sat on the centre of the kitchen island. He held the apple to my lips and with his eyes urged me to take a bite. And i did. He took a bite from the same spot i bit and smiled. Then he dropped his gaze and dipped one spoon into the bowl closest to me. Taking spoonful of the fruit loops, he fed me.