Heart Broken (Unedited)

Thirty-Eight

Ahmad

Since the day we had 'the talk', things have pretty much turned back to normal. Adda Roukie had her last third year exams today. I had picked her up from school and we're headed to an ice-cream stop when she reminded me of the Sakinah issue. I forced a smile and tried so hard not to let her see my discomfort. For the past two weeks, i've done nothing but pray about the Sakinah issue. I've constantly prayed for guidance. I have cleansed my mind and forwarded everything to the Creator to choose what is best for me. For us. Even though the last thing i want is marrying Sakinah again. But if Allah wills and it so happens that we are destined to remarry, then so be it. I'll accept it wholeheartedly. The only problem is that i fear i wouldn't be just between the women. Clearly while Adda Roukie rules my world, i feel nothing for Sakinah. The spark have long died. I see her as any other woman out there and nothing more. I'm afraid i may not be able to handle polygamy. I'm a monogamous type of man. Oh Allah choose for me that which will not lead me astray. Choose what is best for me. Infact i can't begin to imagine another woman as Adda Roukie's equal. No woman stands a chance. And with every passing day, she gives me countless reasons to love her even more. It's like i fall in love all over again every blessed day. My God sent wife.

I hadn't realised i had zoned out until Adda Roukie snapped her fingers. I gave her a yeah you got me smile and prevented her chastisement by telling her i've got us tickets to travel for the lesser hajj the following week. Not exactly how i planned on telling her but it saved my ass from the you zoned out on me again chastisement. She was excited. She said she needed to perform tawaf to pass a particular course she's been battling with. And to pass in my wife's dictionary means getting a perfect score, an A. When its a B, she complains. Worst when it's C not that she gets that grade anyway. There's this one time she got a C and i was at the receiving end of her bickering and nagging. A side i never saw in all our years of marriage and one i do not wish to see often. I however need to dedicate my time a 100% to ask Allah for guidance and restitute in my current situation. And how best than to do it at the most sacred house and so i got us tickets to perform umrah together.

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A week after we came back from umrah, Adda Roukie resumed school and i traveled for a software development course at Rivers. When i came back, i went to Gombe to visit relatives and my in laws. Two weeks after my return, we both went back for Ibrahim (you remember Ruqayyah's brother right) and Zahidah's (Ruqayyah's cousin, Hamidah's sister) wedding. There after, we came back with ramadhan only a few weeks away. I've been avoiding Sakinah's visit for months making excuses with the travels and whatever comes to mind. My wife however never goes back on her word. She asked me the day before when i think its convenient for Sakinah to come over but i turned deaf ears. She kept on asking until i gave her my go ahead to invite her over whenever she likes. I didn't think she'll invite her today. So here i am feeling all nervous after Sakinah called her to inform her that she's on her way.

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As salamu alaikum

I heard her reverberating voice. I could never miss that voice, even if in midst of a thousand more. I had gotten used to it. It had once being the sound i always longed to hear. There is no mistaking whom it belongs to. My heartbeat escalated just like old times only this time it's not in anticipation but anger. Anger and something else i can't quite explain. I have grown to despise that voice. Her figure emerged from the hallway leading to the front door. She was clad in a red number with a black veil and a chain bag hanging from one shoulder. She said salam  again showing off her teeth in a devlish grin. I answered her and offered her a seat. She walked slowly like a predator determined to capture her prey. I gave her a disdainful look as i rose from the chair i was sitting on. I told her i was going to get my wife and she smiled and nodded her head. I pushed the slightly open door and spotted her cuddled up on the bed. A dress was splayed next to her. She must have been very tired to have slept off before even changing into the dress she had earlier excused herself to do. She looked so peaceful in her sleep i didn't want to wake her. Instead, i sat next to her and studied her perfect features. Part of her hair covered her eyes so i gently pushed it back. My touch made her stir in her sleep. Slowly, she opened her eyes and met mine and she gave me a smile. The smile that will put any man right back to bed without thinking twice. But she had a guest and i had grown to exercise self control over the years. She's all charm all the time. Just like she remembered something, she quickly sat up murmurring  something that sounded like she had one last thing to do before the guest arrives. I however informed her that she had already arrived so she jumped off the bed and ran off towards the bathroom. Before she made it in, she turned with a smile and running back towards me, she stuck her tongue out at me and swiftly picked the dress that was then next to me and ran back. I just smiled, my adorable childish wife. She was out in record time. She walked towards me with a huge smile plastered on her face. When she was only a step away, she turned her back to me. I took it as a cue to help with her halfway open zipper. She turned again and lightly kissed me on the cheek then mouthed a thank you and made for the door. Those feather light thank you kisses of hers, she has no idea. She popped her head from the door.