Heart Broken (Unedited)

Forty-Seven

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Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un!

I quickly sat up. My heart plummeted in my chest and it took a while to control my breathing. I was completely drenched in sweat. What kind of a dream was that?. It seemed so real. Horrifying! I looked over to her side of the bed and she was soundly asleep. I said some supplications before rising up to pray. After i prayed, i recited from the Qur'an until the call for fajr sounded. Even after subh prayer, i wasn't able to blink. For some reason, i just couldn't forget that awful dream. It kept replaying in my head. It got me disturbed. I know that dreams do not really come true. And bad dreams are from Satan. But this one scared me. I pray i never have to experience anything of such. My Saturday just wasn't good. I had a headache and i kept zoning out. I didn't have much of an appetite throughout the day too. But eventually, i stopped worrying myself. Besides it was only just a dream.

Ruqayyah

I held the sink to support myself. The back spasms are back again. And this time, even more painful. It used to be once in days for the past month. And didn't even last long. I complained to  the doctor and was given analgesics to help with it. I've been having them recurrently since yesterday. Ya Ahmad insisted we go to the doctor's yesterday but i refused when the pain stopped. I don't want him getting worked up and making a big deal out every slight discomfort i get. But right know, i wish i went to the doctor's yesterday. A while later, the pain subsided and i went into my room and lied down.

Hey! Adda Roukie! Are you sick or something? Why are you sleeping on the floor? Huh?

Ya Ahmad's face was inches from mine as he asked those questions. His concerned eyes roamed all over me as he assessed my state. And surprisingly, i felt brand new. The pain completely gone. I sat up and assured him i was fine. The day went by fast and i only got the pain twice more which didn't last five minutes on both occasions. Since it wasn't serious, i dismissed it.

After dinner, we chatted for a long while. Ya Ahmad suggested we travel over the weekend for more baby shopping since i was due in two weeks. He's bought every baby item he's come across with ever since he learnt of the pregnancy. I have two bedrooms full of baby items. There's nothing he hasn't bought. He needn't go baby shopping again till the baby is five. I think he's obsessed with baby shopping. Baby extravaganza. It took about thirty minutes to talk him out of going for the shopping. We talked about other random things before finally turning in.

At around 2 am, i awakened to a very excruciating pain in my back. My abdomen was hurting as well. I couldn't feel my legs, they were numb. The pain was unbearable. I've never felt such pain all my life. With a shaky voice, i called out his name and let out a yelp. He jolted up. And was beside me in a flash, helping me up. I couldn't stand straight. The pain kept radiating everywhere. It kept increasing by the second. I silently prayed. I was sure i wasn't going to live to see the next day. I was dying. Before i could comprehend anything, i was up and in his arms bridal style. He rushed towards the car and gently lowered me on the back seat. He got behind the wheels just as immediately. He was honking at the gate to wake up the gate man. Once the gates swung open, he sped to the hospital. On the way, he made series of calls, none of which i made sense of. 

Ahmad

I was so scared. Ruqayyah was in so much pain. I drove so fast. I glanced back every now and then to check on her. I called Hajiya to inform her of the situation. I called the family doctor too.

She was wheeled into the labor room as soon as we arrived the hospital. She couldn't be in labor. She wasn't due until the following two weeks. I sincerely pray it's normal to go into labor two weeks before the presumed due date. Hajiya joined me at the hospital not long after together with Amin. They were both concerned for Ruqayyah. I paced to and fro the hospital halls. When Hajiya finally got me to sit, i was no where near relaxed. My heart was racing. My hands were balmy. I suddenly picked interest in the washed out green hospital walls. Sitting became impossible. Hajiya kept comforting. She even told me the story of when she was pregnant with me and how long she stayed in labor before giving birth to me.

At 5 am, she still hasn't given birth. And that got me even more worried. Hajiya chased us off to pray and i took my time. I prayed several units of voluntary prayers and made alot of du'as for her. After subh, when we came back, Hajiya collected the house keys and went to get the baby bag with the needed delivery items. She sent Amin back to the hospital to bring the baby bag and stay with me while she went home.

About an hour later, she came back in a fresh set of clothes with Abba in stride. She insisted i go home to take my bath and have some breakfast but i refused. "I knew you'd refuse"  She said. She made me sit and gave me a sandwich and a thermos containing tea but i just couldn't get anything to go down my oesophagus.

During the hours we've been outside the labor room, i've asked every nurse and doctor that came out of there about my wife's state. Each of them smiled at me and assured me she'll be fine. She was taking so long in there and i was getting even more tense. I kept praying for her safe delivery. Abdulazeez and Yusra called and prayed for her. Aisha too. Hajiya wouldn't let Aisha tag along. She kept calling every half hour too.

At 11 am, i've had enough of sitting outside the door and just waiting. I told Doctor Ikram i wanted to go in the labor room. She was hesitant at first. I was so persistent so she allowed me since she was the only patient in the particular wing. I went in and my heart broke on seeing her. I held her hand in mine. She was still in pain i could tell. So much pain. She smiled at me and told me to forgive her. She was scared she wouldn't make it through. Her pain intensified. She grasped the edge of the bed she lay on with one hand and held onto me with the other. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks. The doctor and more nurses were beside her. Telling her to push. Encouraging her to try harder. My heart tore to pieces at her sight. I kept praying for her. She held my hand so tight with a strength i never knew she had. She held on for dear life. She was soaked in sweat even though the room is well ventilated. She was suffering. My eyes glistened. I avoided breaking down. I stayed strong for her. It's all i could do. If only it was possible to take away the pain. If only it was possible to channel the pain into another. If i could, i would. I would take every bit of pain she was feeling. I made a mental note never to get her pregnant again. Ever! I heard a pop sound. And slowly, her grasp on me loosened. Then came the cry of a baby. And that brought me back to reality. I looked at my wife's face and she smiled. Even though she was exhausted, she smiled. There is a glint in her eyes. And i kept my eyes in hers. I concentrated on her and all the congratulations and whatever faded out around us. It was only the two of us for a moment. Just us. Then they brought the baby wrapped up in a clean towel. They lowered her to her mother's view and my wife chuckled. She put her arms around her and motioned for me to come closer. I held the baby in my arms and pushed away the towel to reveal more of her face. She was beautiful. So fragile. A full blown smile broke out of my lips. I felt something. Joy! I was ecstatic. I've never felt anything like that before. My emotions were all over the place. A nurse took her from me and shooed me out of the room. Before i went out, i bent over and kissed my wife on the forehead thanking her.

Back in the ward, people kept coming to congratulate us and greet Ruqayyah. Calls kept coming in, one after the other. Her family were coming over the next day as well. Everyone was genuinely happy for us. I was over the moon. The nurses had to stop people from seeing her so she could rest. I sat and watched her as she slept. She stirred in her sleep and opened her eyes. She smiled back too. She looked weak. She needed to use the toilet so i helped her up. Immediately she got on her feet, i felt her stiffen and then she looked down. I followed her line of sight and there was trickles of red on the white tiles. I lifted her dress a bit and that was when i realized she was bleeding. I called the attention of a nurse who gasped and said "PPH" before going for the doctor.

They said she had Post Partum Hemorrhage. She was quickly wheeled away.

Yay! A & R have finally become parents.
I'm excited!

#kisses
❤❤❤