Heart Broken (Unedited)

Chapter Twenty-Six

"When love is not madness, it is not love"

Ruqayyah

He startled when i lightly poked him on the shoulder. I've called out his name four times but he didn't respond. He was deep in thought. I wondered what it could be. I didn't even know he was home until i came to pick something from the second living room. Why he chose to come home unnoticed and sit here alone, lost in whatever it is he was thinking of. He looked up at me and forced a smile when he noticed my presence.

I didn't know you are back. Welcome!

Thank you!

He said rather blatant. I ignored his tone and asked him if i should serve him lunch, but he declined and left the room without another word. I stood rooted to my spot just staring at the door he went through. Behold the awakening of Mr Grumpy. I shrugged and left the room as well. He stayed in his room all day long. Dinner was untouched as well. In the hallway, i wanted to ask if it's something i did that made him suddenly change but he quickly walked past me and into his bedroom. For the first time in weeks, he slept in his room. I kinda got used to turning in my sleep and seeing his figure on the other side of the bed. It had gotten to a point where i no longer use the pillows as borders 'cause i trusted he wouldn't do anything without my consent. Tonight, all i got when i turned was an empty space. He wasn't even on the praying mat doing his routine qiyamul layl. That incited an ache in my chest.

For about a week, he kept up that attitude. He wouldn't talk to me unless it's entirely necessary. He worked late and whenever he gets back home, he avoids me. He barely touches his food except this one day that Aisha came over and cooked. He ate with gusto. He stopped messaging when he is not home. He was reverting to his old ways and it scared me.

*
Today, i am overly excited. I called Mama,Ya Ibrahim and Adda Asma' to share the news with them. I got an admission to study computer science at AUK. I sat in the main living room waiting on him. Lucky enough, today he returned a bit early. I welcomed him back assessing his face. He looked guilty as hell.

I came back early so we could talk.

He said sounding tired. It's then that i noticed he had lost weight. Could it be because he barely eats these days? He has worry lines on his face. I wonder what could have caused that. Quietly, i followed him and sat on the sofa closer to his.

Look!  I am so sorry Ruqayyah. Please forgive me (sincerity in his eyes). I know i've been such a jerk but i apologise.

So Grumpy!  I hissed.

(Laughs dryly) Yes grumpy i agree. Hey! hope you didn't edit my contact back to Grumpy. Tsk tsk sooo not cool Adda Roukie.

We both laughed. And he became serious.

The thing is Hajiya talked to me about you joining the uni and that scared me out of my wits. It reminded me of  the memories i've got locked up (quietens for a while). Ruqayyah i do not want to lose you too. I think the biggest mistake i made in my first marriage was encouraging my wife in pursuit of western education. Adda Roukie the thing is i love you. I love you so much. I love you far more than i've ever loved anyone. Not even Sakinah .

My eyes widen the size of saucers. This is the first time he's expressing that to me in words. And to that extent, well that is a shocker.

Yes i love you Ruqayyah. So much. This past week, i've thought about alot of things and it only led me to the conclusion that you're better. You're nothing like Sakinah ever was. Earlier when Hajiya called me to inform me that you've got in, everything came rushing back. The emotions, the regret, the fear. But only then did i realise something. That i should support you pursue your dreams.That inSha Allah it won't go wrong 'cause i'll pray that it doesn't. All day and night long. Adda Roukie you'll give me sleepless nights praying, (chuckles) but it's fine. I'll be by you every step of the way.This is khair inSha Allah 'cause this past week even though i avoided you physically, emotionally you kept assaulting me so i prayed so hard to Allah to choose what is khair for me, for us. And you still got in. Forgive me for the way i've acted and for having the guts to even compare you with Sakinah in the first place.

I looked into his eyes. This man will be the death of me one day. I'll prove to you that i am nothing like your ex wife. Why on earth am i still unable to completely rid you of the damage she'd caused. "Operation make hubby completely forget about ex" initiated. Ahmad i'll make sure every memory of her stop taunting you. I'll make sure that every pain she's caused you is replaced by happiness. I'll wipe away all the memories of her and replace with them with mine. So help me Allah! I smiled at my thoughts.

Ya Ahmad i forgive you. Today you should know that whenever you wrong me, i do not leave that place without forgiving you. I forgive you instantaneously. Allah forgives those who forgive is what i've been taught. Studying will be irrelevant if we do not act according to what we learn.

He smiled. Then took my hands in his and uttered an Alhamdulillah before saying a thank you.

I do not know what life would have been without you Adda Roukie. You are a blessing. I thank Allah for the gift of you  everyday. Heck! I can't live without you.

I raised an eyebrow at him and we both laughed.

Okay, okay i used to say that. Huuuuge lie. One could live without another, just that life becomes unbearable without that person. Talking from experience. But believe me i'll live one hell of a miserable life without you in it. Believe me when i say i love you and life would be worthless without you.

He looked at me expectantly but i kept mute and just shrugged.

In a movie, this is the moment i'm suppose to hand you a bouquet of roses or some beautiful flowers. Tulips, some carnations maybe. So cheesy! (Chuckles). Gosh KT sucks at times, there's no florist to come to my rescue. And i want this moment to be movie perfect.

This man right here is something else. I laughed at what he's been blabbering.

Mr Software Engineer and Mrs Computer Scientist. Nice! Perfect! How best do we celebrate our admissions? Huh? A tub of ice cream over some sappy movie like titanic while you cry and i pass you the tissue box? No will do. Do you have a better idea?

I laughed so hard. He can be so childish.

Ya Ahmad you're such a five year old. Speaking of which. Admissions?

Emphasizing the 's'.

Oh forgive me beautiful. I also got admitted to Leeds for a six months course. (hits head) Sorry i didn't tell you earlier.

He smiled so wide before releasing my hand and going down on his knees.

Mrs Ruqayyah Ahmad Abdulhamid since i can't ask you to marry me for the second time, would you do me a favour?

He looked serious and oh so beautiful kneeling like that. He watches too many movies, it's getting in his head. And yes, beautiful. This man. My man is beyond handsome. In my eyes, he is beautiful. No man compares to his beauty. Celebrities got nothing on him.

Would you travel for a few weeks with me? Sayyyy!  Take it as our honeymoon. We never went on one anyway.

Yes Ya Ahmad i'd love to travel with you.

Beaming, he rose and sat next to me.

Okay so where? Africa, Europe, Asia?...Umm...US or the UK? What do you have in mind? Bahamas or the Carribbeans maybe? Oh wait! You've watched the movie Madagascar right? And you know it as an island from your geography, yeah? You wanna go to that island? Paris? Adda Roukie? No no not Paris,we went with Sa....never mind!

I kept my eyes fixed on him as he rambled on and on. He takes my breath away. This man incites emotions so foreign to me.

@haneepher and @taakiyyaa just for you😘

Okay so for making myself write this chapter even though i was tired, i think i deserve a star. Yeah it's right there. You can vote and leave some comments too.
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