Elsa Darknight: The discovery of Lhanyia

Chapter 39

The funeral was almost over, silent tears trickled down my cheeks. I stood by myself, as far away form civilisation as possible. I didn't want to be near anything that was alive. It made me angry about her death, the closer I was to feeling like I wasn't alive or happy, the better I felt. If I could feel anything other then pain; pain for not being good enough. Pain for blaming myself. I couldn't deal with it. I would happily kill myself without a moments hesitation, to be by deaths safe side, forever out of the reaches of people who could hurt me.

I held a bunch of purple flowers, mothers favourites. There were little splotches on them, my tears trickled down. Maybe the stupid flowers would be happy, or maybe they were sad. Who acres what they felt. Who cares what anyone feels? Let alone me. Nobody cares for me. Nobody has and nobody will, except for mother. But I never knew. Right when I needed her most she wasn't there for me, if you don't feel anything, then you won't feel pain. The trick is to shut the pain out in the first place. But emotions make you human...

The body was brought out, interrupting my thoughts and calculations, I peered in, seeing her lifeless face. I clamped her fingers around the flowers even tighter, desperate not to show any weakens. But the fact that I was crying kind of burned up that affect. I turned my face away, right before the lid was put back on.

She could be sleeping. Of you out some make-up on her. Somehow continuously pump air into her body, inflating it then maybe she would seem alive.

I told myself desperately.

"Elsa I'm sorry." Many people had muttered to me, giving pets on the back as the coffin was put in the ground, like many others. I forced back a sob as I stepped up on the podium, not even thing about what I was doing. I knew it wasn't in my place. I pushed away the grave-speaker guy. I never knew what they were called.

I shouted over the clearing, surprise that my voice was steady,

"every person that died today was a hero. Don't doubt that. I can give you one example, the only example I know. My mother. My mother sacrificed herself for me, right in front of my eyes. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her bravery. Her devotion to me." I said, pointing at my heart before continuing on. "I'm sure you can agree with me when I say: I wish I could've saved them. I wish I could go back in time, and erase all of the demons in the world. Although I know that will mess up humanity for life, or mess it up even more... To everyone that has buried a family member, a friend. I'm sorry. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart that you have to feel pain, or nothingness. Or worthlessness. Or weakness. I know how that feels. Believe me I know..." I murmured, a new tear forming in my eye. I wasn't sure what I wanted to prove, but just as quickly as I found my voice, I lost it again.

There were slow claps from the audience, to my surprise. I awkwardly bent my head, receding from the podium. The grave man looked angry at me, if he had fought me I would have clasped his own hands around my neck, forcing them to kill me.

I stepped away, walking down the cool steps, the sound echoed around me, my blood roared in my ears. I wish mother could do the same thing.

The tear that was hanging in my eye fell down my cheek, taking the same path as all the other tears before as I turned away from my mother. Not once glancing back.