Elsa Darknight: The discovery of Lhanyia

Chapter 37

I slept in a daze, replaying my mothers death in my mind, in many gruesome and different ways.

The first was when she was in a breeze, a whirlwind, there was a giant hole through her chest, "this is your fault." She said, before she fell to the ground in a bloody heap.

The next was in an ocean scene, I was swimming above her lifeless body, she was sinking continuously into the depths of the sea, her deathly white hand was outstretched to me, I tried to take it but my skin passed right through her.

The last one was the sickest of all, it was short, like the others, but disturbing.

My mother held a dagger to her chest, continuously stabbing herself and backing away from me, "you're a monster!" She hissed through her bare teeth. Even in the nightmare those words had stung me enough to cry out, but it was t my voice. It was Endors. I looked down at myself, I was a mutation of snake, lion and seals. Green blood was flowing from my side, I gagged as blackness overcome my dream.

Consciousness seeped through my body, but I was too tired to do anything it squint through my eyes. I was in the infirmary, laying on the bed. The same one I had woke up in when I first came to Lhanyia.

One warm hand was grabbing mine, our fingers were entwined. I twitched my hand, letting them know I was alive. Although I knew I didn't want to be. "Elsa. Elsa I'm sorry..." The voice came, it took me a few seconds to pinpoint who had said it.

Zack.

All I did was mumble, my voice cracked as more tears began to flow on my partly-dry cheeks. "Elsa you did everything you could! It wasn't your fault. She wants you to be alive. For her. Do this for her." Zack mumbled, putting his forehead to the back of my hand. I opened my eyes wider, Zack was looming over me, sitting directly to my side. I tilted my head slightly towards him, his eyes shone with pain. Probably because he was seeing a friend helpless. I opened my mouth, attempting to speak. But I couldn't. I could hardly make a sound.

"Elsa. You almost blew up the school! You need to control your gifts more. I understand it was hard, but you'll learn. And in time this would be a faded memory. And you'll be okay again..." He avoided my eyes. I'll be okay again? What does that Mean? Am I sick? Am I dying? I relished the thought.

The curtains opened, I didn't even realise there were curtains, looking around I could see Matilda passing and standing over me, I was isolated by curtains and the only thing that stood out was that I could smell the blood on me. Zack had a faint trace. To the other side of me was a little drawer with a bright purple flower on it. I wished it was dead immediately. My mothers favourite colour was purple, and now I wish it would die.

"Elsa. I understand you can't talk. Don't try okay? You're in shock. We will be here for you, and you'll be okay. You and Josh will be fine..." Matilda said soothingly, not telling me the full affect. I jerked open, feeling more... There... More alive, as if I was actually living, at his name. Without thinking about it I intended to swiftly stand out of bed, instead I stumbled and fell flat on my face, immediately getting into a crawling position as I ducked under the curtains, not bothering to stand up because I knew I wasn't stable.

I peeped through the curtains, Zack and Matilda ran after me. Finally I found him, I ducked under the curtain, hearing a little scream of shock coming from Tara, who was by his bed and tending to him. I sat up on my knees and peered at him. His eyes were open and glazed, but he was breathing.

Clearly our mothers death affected him as well, I grabbed his hand reassuringly, he turned to face me. A ghost of a smile creeping up on his face. "Elsa..." He whispered, or that's what I would call it. That word was barely audible.

"Elsa. It's okay... You're okay. It wasn't your fault..." He said to me, probably seeing the tears well up in my eyes. I but my lip, physical pain was better then mental pain. Although right now I couldn't tell the difference.

I looked at him, 'it is my fault' I seemed to say through my look. Only Josh could read them. "No it wasn't. Now stop blaming yourself! She's gone and there is nothing you can do about it." He grimaced, suddenly realising how much those words had affected me.

My teeth punctured a hole in my tongue, trying to control myself. It was a valid attempt. Somehow my body found the strength to run away, ignoring the pleads of everyone else. I ran, taking a sharp left as I jumped out the window, the glass cutting and recutting new and old wounds. I ignored the pain, it made me feel alive. A shard of glass caught in my wrist, right under my bracelet. Another shredded my pants, buried in my mid-thigh. One pierced my collarbone, to the side of my gem necklace. I gasped, the pain briefly overwhelmed me as I plummeted towards the ground. My arm defensively curled under my body, sharp pain went up it as a stick stabbed my forearm, I rolled away, as I ran into the woods.

My heart was racing as I entered the dimly lit forest, my wounds were throbbing. I collapsed down on a big rock, grabbing the shards of glass that were embedded in my skin, with a swift motion I pulled them out, inhaling a deep shaky breath as a tear rolled down my face. I dropped the pierced of glass on the soft forest floor, the ends were stained with my blood.

No one was around, and not having anything to distract myself the memories flooded back in my mind like the blood that started to flow.

My mother sacrificed herself. For me. Even though she pretended to hate me half her life. It was all my fault. All of it, everything. It was all my fault! I wasn't in control of anything.

Yeah well I'm in control of this!

I spat to my pleading mind as I pulled out my dagger, dragging it across my wrists. I knew self harming wasn't the answer, but this made me feel like I was in power of something. I could take away the knife. I could cut my throat. I could kill an animal or I could ignore everything. It was my choice.

I got a little carried away, my dagger dropped out of my hands as they felt numb. I lay myself on the face of the rock, taking in deep breaths as my head felt faint. Through the blur of my faze I could see my arm, the skin was scraped off completely, leaving some deep cuts. About 18. I counted them up with every painful emotion I felt; anger, rage, hopelessness, carelessness, fear, sadness, grief, pain, stupidity, fault, blame, annoyance, frustration, and the rest were names that made me feel worse then anything. Zack, Matilda, Tina, Josh and... And Esmerelda... Mother.

Many people would say that grief and sadness were the same, not to me. They were completely different meanings. I didn't know what to believe. I couldn't believe in myself, I had run away from the help of my friends and now I was slowly bleeding to death. Or so I wish, in my heart I knew that stupid magic was already fixing me up.

Let me die.

I thought, I just wanted death. Everlasting death: everlasting peace.