My Only Love

Chapter 58

Nate felt lighter as if a big weight was lifted off his shoulders. This time he had Mark his best friend to thank for. If not for his words of strength he would still be wandering aimlessly dead drunk until he would reach the end of his existence. Mark opened his eyes to see for himself that there was life without Kate. He knew it wasn't going to be easy. There would be tough times ahead of him he would be missing her so much. But he had to be strong for his own sake. Kate had her own life and he had to live his. Mark was right. He would not waste all his hard work for someone who chose another instead of him. Nate had to remind himself constantly of that. Instead he would focus all his energies in his work and his studies. That would complete him. He would also put longer hours in the outreach program he was handling trying to make lives better for abused children like him. He will take it one day at a time surviving each step till he could go on life without Kate.

Nate looked at himself at the mirror and he could only cry out feeling sorry for himself. His face looked sunken. He was reed thin his clothes hung loosely about him. His deep set ocean blue eyes filled with deep dark circles. He looked and felt so old. Seeing what he did to himself only made him more determined to get back on his feet again.This he would start by eating right gain back all the weight he had lost. Take better care of his health. Nate needed to bring his life back and to love himself for once in his life.

It was also his mom's death anniversary. Having some quiet time to visit his mom in the cemetery and just talk to her. It just felt good to visit her sometimes just sitting beside her. Now was the perfect time to have some solitude with his thoughts. Nate was all too reminded of Kate. She would always be there with him every year just to keep him company. He tried to shake her off his thoughts but to no avail. Some memories would never change. All Nate wanted was to be alone and seek guidance from his mother. Maybe where ever she was she would guide him go through this greatest heartbreak of his life.

The feeling of peacefulness came over him as he walked to his mother's grave with a dozen pink roses he had in his hand. How his mother loved roses especially the colors of pink and white. But the first thing Nate noticed was the beautiful white roses that lay on the ground. There were a dozen of them. There was no other one who would have remembered but Kate. She had been here even before he arrived. Some part of him was touched that she still took pains to visit his mom. She still cared about him. Reminiscing every year the times they were together to spend time with his mom. Those were treasured times for Nate. He knew he will never forget Kate and all that they shared. He would always remember Kate for all the care she had given him in her own special way. Nate knew Kate will always have a special in his heart maybe even if he was old and wrinkled.

He laid the pink flowers he brought next to Kate's white ones. Loving the peacefulness and feeling of solitude.Quietly hearing the chirp of the birds.The rays of sunlight shining on his hair.The smell of grass. It was a beautiful day. Nate wished his mother would still be alive to be with him. He needed her. Wishing for her guidance and words of advice. He always remembered how much she loved Kate and it was her fervent wish before she died that they end up together. But it was all wishful thinking on their parts. It saddened Nate feeling a tear fall from the side of his cheek. He communicated silently to her feeling that she was listening.

I miss you mom. You just don't know how much. So much has happened. I lost Kate mom she's going to get married. She didn't choose me but will marry that filthy rich guy. A guy I can't even find fault against. He loves her mom and I know they'll be happy. But it hurts so much I just wanted to die what hurts even more is that she just loves me as a friend.

Nate felt emotional talking to his mother. He felt her presence as if she was listening from heaven above wanting to comfort him and dry his tears.

I almost lost myself mom as you can see I'm more like skin and bones now. But I promise you I'll take better care of myself. I'll gain this all back. I'll make you proud again. I just feel so alone even our friendship I've lost. I still love her so much and maybe I'll still go on loving her till I die.

What's going to happen to me now Mom? Nate had so many questions for her. He wished he could talk to her.

He felt a slight breeze grace his cheek it was so gentle that it brought a smile to Nate. It was like his mother was trying to comfort him. A yellow butterfly with a slight shade of blue in its wing tips came to him. The butterfly was playing with him gliding through his hair evenperching on hisshoulder. It was beautiful beyond words. Again Nate felt his mother's presence in this little butterfly.

This time he remembered the words that had always touched him in many ways.

" If you love someone set her free. "

" If she doesnt come back she was

not meant to be yours....But if she

does. Love her forever. "

That was what his mother was trying to impart to him. That if fate were to play its part Kate would come back into his heart. He knew it was hard to expect. He might just get disappointed and get hurt even more. But life was like that you had to risk to love. He would go on with his life build his dreams for himself. All that he had worked hard for would be all within his reach now but he knew this time he was doing all this for a good life. A life he always wanted.

It was almost dusk when Nate left his mother. But it was the most peaceful feeling he felt. The little butterfly stayed with him just fluttering about keeping him company. I love you Mom. Always be with me. As if the butterfly read his thoughts its wings fluttered on his nose tickling him making him laugh.

Nate knew that whatever challenges would come his way he would fight hard just as he survived all the hard struggles in his life. He would work hard learn as much as he could and he was going to graduate from Harvard Law on top of his class. All the good things he wanted out of his life. And if fate were good to him he would get everything he wished for.

Tomorrow would be the start of a new beginning for Nate.