My Only Love

Chapter 59

Kate was listless. She felt she was in a daze not feeling anything only that great big pain in her heart that wouldn't seem to go away. It had been going on for weeks now eversince the night Nate said goodbye. She could hardly eat nor sleep. It seems every dream she had was about Nate. Remembering all too clearly the tears in his eyes and the haunted look in his face. The way he looked at her if memorizing her face for the very last time. She missed him so much as she cried herself to sleep thinking of all the hurt and pain she had caused him. Blaming herself for not giving him the chance when in fact deep inside she knew she loved him too. The realization of her feelings for Nate came when it was too late. It seems you only see the true value of a person only when he says goodbye. Kate always took that forgranted in Nate. Thinking that he would always be there for her no matter what. But the reality that he was gone from her life brought tears to her eyes giving her an emptiness that can never be filled up not even by Ryan.

She remembered Nate mother's death anniversary. Every year without fail she would go with him to keep him company. Those were serene times with him trying to make Nate happy even in her own special way. Trying to help ease the pain of losing his mom. That's why she woke up extra early just to visit his mother bringing the white roses she loved so much.

She loved Nate's mom like her own mother. She wanted Nate to know that she still cared about him. That even if it seem they were worlds apart right now. She would still be there for him and treasure the moments they shared. How she missed Nate. It had been only two weeks but it seemed like an eternity for her.

Another thing on her mind was Ryan. She had been evading him for weeks now. Saying she was sick yet when they talked conversation seem forced with long silences. She knew she was hurting him who was still so ever patient with her. But she could not help herself. When Nate left she felt she had died along with him and all the love she felt for Ryan.

But she knew she can't prolong not seeing Ryan as she looked at herself at the mirror taking in her pale face. The deep dark circles under her eyes. How much she had lost weight. She seems she lost all zest for everything. She needed to talk to him. Make him understand why she was feeling that way. She knew she was hurting him with her coldness. Even her engagement seem so far from her mind right now. It was as if it never existed. She just wanted to bury it away. Some part of her knew the chapter of her relationship with Ryan was going to end soon. It was just a matter of time.

Ryan drove to Kate's house but he felt a tightness in the pit of his stomach he could not understand. Coupled with a heavy feeling in his heart. He was seeing her today after so many weeks. Her detached behavior hurting him in so many ways seemingly powerless to control the sudden turn of events. Even their engagement seem so uncertain to him.As he tried to give senseless excuses to his parents.Doing his best to pacify them the best he could but having no answers himself. Ryan felt he could not reach Kate as if she was gone from his life at a blink of an eye. Call it a sixth sense. But he felt it had something to do with Nate. The eternal best friend he hated somuch. Feeling he was always second best beside him.He had a strong gut feeling but this time he had a right to know. He loved Kate so much and he will do everything in his power not to lose her.

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They had both decided to go to a nearby park for the privacy to talk. There was a cold breeze that touched their cheeks. Flowers all in bloom.It felt as if it was spring. It was a beautiful sight but somehow they felt ill at ease not knowing what to say. Ryan was looking at her taking in her haggard appearance.

His eyes were concerned his face in a half but sad smile.

You've lost weight but still as beautiful my love. You wouldn't have let me see you I would have fatten you up in a minute. He teased lightly.

She had to smile for Ryan's benefit. He had all the maturity and understanding in the world. She hated herself for hurting him.

Yup I think I look like those reed thin girls we see on tv or far much worst. she said. Kate felt under the weather and it showed. Sadness evident in her face.

You'll always be beautiful to me my love. He said quietly touching her hand and enveloping it warmly into his. Kissing it tenderly.She allowed him feeling a warmness inside her for this wonderful guy she did not deserve.

You know the past weeks I felt I couldn't reach you. It was like you were in your own world. And the worst part I felt you didn't need me. What happened Kate? Is it me? Have I done something wrong?

Kate could only look at Ryan feeling guilty seeing the hurt look in his face. Waiting for some explanation from her. She didn't know how to explain the emptiness she felt when she lost Nate. An added pressure was their pending engagement answering Ryan instantly without giving much thought of the consequences.

I haven't been feeling well lately Ryan. I needed some time to myself. she said not knowing how to say what's really inside her.

Is that really all Kate? My parents were asking about you. About our engagement and our plans. I kept on evading them. There is still an "Us" right Kate? I felt after the time I proposed everything went weird after that. He sighed. I wasn't sure about things anymore. I also didn't know if you still love me.

This time Ryan's gaze was direct as he looked as if trying to read her thoughts.

Things are happening too fast for me Ryan. Your proposal.The engagement. The news to our families it just sort of overwhelmed me.

And what Kate? He pried further. Ryan had a right to know this time. What was really in her heart. They had to be honest with each other once and for all.

This time images of Nate's face came into her mind.That disastrous night.The distraught look in his face.The tears in his eyes.

It's about Nate Ryan he proposed to me. He told me how much he loved me right from the start. How much he kept those feelings bottled up inside him for so many years.

I rejected him Ryan told him of our engagement. I've lost Nate my best friend and I felt a part of me had died along with him.

She cried this time. Tears that flowed freely from her cheeks. I cannot forget his face Ryan that haunted look in his eyes. How badly I've hurt him and he's gone from my life now and all the years of our friendship.

Ryan could hug her to him not saying anything trying to pacify her sobs. All his worst fears coming true. Her words striking him how much she loved Nate without realizing it. Maybe even more than her love for him. That's why he was so in a hurry to propose so he can have Kate all to himself. Make her Mrs. Kate Montgomery once and for all. But this time Nate had won. Kate loved him that much and it showed.

Ryan could only feel his heart breaking into pieces as tears slipped down his face still cradling Kate in his arms.

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