City Of Dreams

Forty-Eight

"Charlotteeeeeeeeeee....."

I groaned, turning on my side and putting a pillow over my head.

"What could you possibly want at 3 AM?!"

My phone screen lit up.

"There's a new Ham4Ham. I've watched it already and I think you want to as well."

I crack my neck.

"Well, you thought wrong."

I buried my face in a pillow and felt a tug on my hair.

"Would you leave me alone?!"

I shouted, swatting at the air with my hand.

"You should watch the video."

I sit upright in bed.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm trying to forget those people. I'm trying to forget all of it! And watching a video of them isn't going to help me! In fact, it will take me backwards!"

I flop back onto the bed.

"What if it's about you?"

I reach over and knock my phone off the table.

"Especially if it's about me."

We sit in silence for a bit longer, until I give up on more sleep and get in the shower.

The water falls over me like rain, and I remember a time when we all had to stand outside the stage door for Hamilton in the pouring rain.

Ha! All Darren talked about was messing up his hair!

I giggle to myself, but stop and tense up.

A sudden curiosity suddenly comes over me as I step out of the flowing water.

I walk back into the room and pick up my phone.

The light is bright, showing an almost blank screen.

No messages.

No calls.

Just a video notification.

I sigh and hesitantly click the button, taking me to a YouTube video.

The title just reads.

#Ham4All-Charlotte

I turn off my phone and put it on the bed.

I can't.

I can't watch the aftermath of what I did.

But something tells me to.

Something deep within me tells me to pick it back up and watch the video.

It tells me to watch the video and be done with it all.

To watch it and never turn back.

I carefully reach for my device and turn it back on.

My finger hovers over the play button for a few minutes.

I finally just press it and the video starts.

I sink to the floor so I won't waste time doing it later.

My eyes scan the screen and the array of people.

They stop on a scrawny figure wearing a New York hoodie with the MTV logo on it.

I chuckle.

Darren's wearing my hoodie.

"He can fit into anything."

I whisper to myself.

"Or maybe you're just fat."

I ignore her and continue watching.

They are all silent for a minute, staring blankly at the camera.

They all look exhausted.

Darren has his hands in his pockets, his hair messy and his eyes dark with bags underneath.

"Notice something?"

I pause the video, looking around my apartment.

"What?"

"Do you remember that old habit he had?"

I grip my phone tighter.

"What do you mean?"

She sighs.

"You know what I mean."

I direct my eyes back to the screen.

"He's wearing your hoodie. With long sleeves. Outside. In July. After you left him over some silly thing that was nothing to you but everything to him."

Realization hits my like a baseball bat to the face.

"Are you catching on?"

I stare at the hands in his pockets.

I glare deeply at the man I married.

The man who went into the fucking Army for me.

The man who got shot in the shoulder and brushed it off like nothing.

The man who sang to me in that theater.

The man I married.

The man I vowed to stay with.

I stand up, knocking my phone to the floor and ignoring the rest of the video.

"I get it now."

I can't leave him.

I can't stay away anymore.

Not from him at least.

He doesn't have anyone.

He doesn't have the bond with his family that most do.

He gets so nervous around the cast that sometimes we have to go to a different room and calm him down.

He despises Oak.

And he still hasn't fully forgiven Addie for all the things she did to me.

He doesn't tell me that, but I can read him.

Because I'm his wife.

And he needs me.

And I need him.