Sebastian

Chapter Thirty-Six

This chapter has 1046 words in it. I had soo much homework today, and I still have more, but I had to update because it helps me relieve stress. THANK YOU ALL SOO MUCH FOR THE 30,000 READS, 1.5k VOTES, 350+ COMMENTS, AND THE #13 SPOT IN VAMPIRE!!! THAT'S WILD! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH :D 

********

We ended up at a small mound of rocks, a good ways away from Sebastian and Kaden. I watched Roy carefully, keeping my guard up. Not that I could do anything to stop him, but I had a loud voice and Sebastian had really good hearing. 

Roy took a seat on one of the rocks. When I didn't follow, he patted a relatively flat rock beside him. He stared at me, not speaking, until I sat.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, staring at his feet. I didn't buy it, and refused to respond.

"Not about taking the wall down, but-"

"Screw you, Roy." I spat. He jumped a little at my outburst.

"I could make a really funny joke at that, y'know," He said, grinning. I glared at him, not affected. His face fell.

"Look, Elizabeth. Sebastian took everything away from me. He lured me into that house, and he tried to kill me. He killed several people in the same room as me. He wanted to kill a little girl. I'm not going to be sorry for destroying what he has, especially when he can just build it all back up in another century."

When he put it that way, it was difficult not to see it his way. He was a brand new adult, fresh out of school, ready to tackle his new responsibilities. Sebastian took that all away from him. Thinking about it like that made me understand exactly why he did what he did.

But that was a different Sebastian, from a different time. 

Roy saw the conflict in my eyes, and he grew angry.

"Elizabeth, he's no different from what he was when he murdered everything I was. No different." He growled. My rage was temporarily pushed away, and I looked at him sadly.

"I'm sorry he did that to you. But that doesn't mean he's still-"

"That's exactly what it means."

"Roy, I get why you're angry. I understand why you did that, but it-"

"If you understood," He said through gritted teeth. "We wouldn't be having this discussion and you'd be on that motorcycle with your brother, on your way to where I'm staying."

The anger in his voice was hard to ignore, and my own anger rose to match it.

"If you didn't act like every situation with him is life or death, you could come up with better plans." I snapped. "You'd use literal bombs as an 'if all else fails' kind of backup. And I wouldn't be charred and disgusting." I threw in that last part with selfish intentions; I wanted to hurt Roy, and I knew Roy had feelings for me, and I knew insulting myself would get to him more than if I'd insulted how he looked.

It worked. Hurt flashed in his eyes. 

"You don't look disgusting." He said softly. I scoffed, and he sighed. "Okay. You're right about the life or death situations." He smiled at me. "If you'd just come back with me, we can learn how to wait before rushing into things. You can give us a level-head."

He knew what he was doing. Guilt burned my chest. I knew he was putting himself out there, risking rejection, and despite everything he did, I no longer viewed it as something sinister and intentionally planned with murder in mind.

He was angry and lost, and he didn't know how to express his anger in a healthy way. Because of this, he lashed out and got himself into stupid and dangerous situations. A person like Roy, so sweet and volatile, just needed somebody to reign him in. And although Sebastian's face stayed in my mind, even though I wasn't sure that I didn't have feelings for him, I couldn't deny the attraction I held towards Roy.

It was stupid and vain and selfish and very, very wrong, but when I looked at Roy's boyish grin, my heart never failed to flutter. Vampires rarely change in temperament, which means Roy probably made the right assumption that Sebastian wasn't much different from what he was when he took Roy's humanity away from him. Which, in turn, meant that Sebastian was more than likely hiding his actual intentions. 

But going back to Roy after everything? Helping him out when we both had feelings involved? The last thing I wanted to do was be that girl. The kind who bounces back and forth, using each guy only when I needed them, never making a solid decision. Because, in truth, there weren't just mixed feelings involved. There was also my own personal morals.

Sebastian herded everyone in for over ninety years, killed his citizens, broke families apart, and flaunted his wealth and security to all of us every single year. 

It just so happened I was the person he decided to bond with. And, just because I saw some compassion in him, it didn't change how he treated his cattle. It just changed how he treated me. 

Meanwhile, Roy warned me all along not to start anything with Sebastian. He warned the mysterious girl Sebastian had before me. Neither one of us listened, and we both paid the consequence: his obsession grew, because he liked the chase by nature. All vampires did. Still, Roy tried to help, whether it was sneaking her out or providing me with support. 

Somewhere in my mind, I knew that if this had never happened, if Roy never interfered in the very beginning, Sebastian would be past obsession. Before everything, he'd wanted me to move in with him. If Roy had stayed the stoic guard, I knew I'd have been trapped and nothing would've changed on the outside; Sebastian would still be hurting families, and everyone would still hate him.

Roy watched as I thought. He wasn't pushing me into an ultimatum, and he wasn't begging me to choose him. That made it frustratingly harder. I felt like if I left with Roy, I'd be the type of girl who uses the people who can provide her with what she needs at a certain moment in time. If I stayed with Sebastian, despite his feelings for me, I felt like he'd revert back to his obsessive ways as soon as he got established somewhere else. 

Roy and my brother, despite being angry at them both? Or risk staying with Sebastian, when it turned out to be a horrible decision the first time?