Kidney Donor// Liam Payne

《Chapter 47》Angry At The World

Kelsey POV

I let the tears fall as I sat there, looking at the sky darken, the purple, orange, blue painted sun slowly drift under the soft horizon of the ocean. 

I.. I hope when that sun goes down, that I will too. That I can just close my eyes and be done with this.

With fighting for my life. I'm done because the only thing that kept me going... the only thing that gave me hope... I kept strong because I thought Liam would want that.

But Liam is happy as it is. And I know that he was hurting for me right now. So why make him hurt any more?

Why make his life more difficult, now that he's so happy? Why distract him from all the happiness he's surrounded by now that his dream has came true.

But even if I do go, I still know that he was going to hurt either way...

Ugh, I let out a deep sigh in frustration. Knowing that I could never do anything right. Damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

The sun set slowly than I had wanted, and it angered me... because just like I was waiting so long for Liam to show, he wouldn't.. and just as much as I wanted to die the second the sun disapeared, I knew I wouldn't..

When I felt my eyes water again, and the knot in my throat grow... I just.. I couldn't anymore.

I was so angry at the world, at Liam, at myself.

The anger soon overflowed from me, and I grunted when I stood up, before I reached down to grab a rock and throw it at the sea.

"Hurry up! Take me!" I yelled with all my might. Grimacing as the tears spilled, as I bent back down into the sand to grab more loose rocks, and throwing them as hard as I could.

"I want to leave already!" I breathed harshly, not even caring, not even knowing where the rocks were being thrown.

KELSEY! I heard a voice, and I knew it couldn't be him. He was on the other side of the country, no where near me. And just the fact that I still cared too much, to the point where I could still hear his voice..... it made me groan in agony.

"Liam is happy! Why couldn't we just leave it at that! I've done what I've done! Just.. " I yelled at the sun that was now three quarters gone.

"Just take me already, he already forgot," my voice fell...The tears spilling from my face, my hair messed around my cheeks.

I didn't even know what to say, I was just yelling my feelings.. feelings that I wasn't even sure of.

I ran out of breath quicker than I expected, and I quickly got dizzy.

"Kelsey?" the voice said again. I froze where I was when I looked around.. That sounded too real.

When I looked behind me, and that figure... that tall boy with the tux, the furrowed thick eyebrows, the jawline, the troubled brown eyes.

I knew he had been there a while... because the tears threatened from his eyes, easily visable from the distance he was at.

No.

He shouldn't have came. He shouldn't have seen me like this. I turned back to the sea, my moans of a cry escaping me as I walked closer to the sea.

Let me die right now, please. The sunset is almost down.

"Kelsey, Kelsey wait!" Liam's voice cracked as he yelled. I could hear him moving in the sand... And I couldn't help but just try and get away..

I didn't want him to see me.. I didn't want him to hurt. I didn't want to love him even more than I still did. To want him closer knowing it'd only lead to a harder fall afterwards.

"Kelsey!" Liam's hands wrapped around me.. And I yelled, refusing to look at him as I tried to pull away.

"No. Liam! Stop!" I cried, unwillingly trying to pry from his grasp..

But he held on, pulling me to face him, before he forced my head onto his chest, and securely wrapped his hands around me... And as badly as I wanted to not say this.. I needed this sense of safety.. of sanctuary. I needed his hug.

And I let myself cry, cry just as I had when Liam found out I was dying... because now it was so close.. and I just wanted him with me.

"W-Why d-did you come," I barely got through my cries, and I could feel Liam crying too. That hurt me even more.

He froze for a second, until I gave up struggling.

"Because I need you, Kelsey," he replied back, his hold too tight, my body too fragile.

I shook my head, my grimace deepening as the void in my chest only deepened... because I had already broken it minutes before... I had broken the feelings to bond anymore. The sense of hope.

I couldn't feel it.

_________________________________________________

SO THIS CHAPTER MADE NO SENSE. 

IT'S JUST THAT... WELL.. MY EMOTIONS ARE EVERYWHERE RIGHT NOW.

AND IT WAS HARD TO EXPLAIN WHAT I REALLY WAS TRYING TO POINT OUT.

SINCE I USUALLLY NEVER POINT OUT WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO POINT OUT BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO BE POINTED OUT.

GOSH DARNIT.

WELL, SORRY FOR THIS RANDOM AUTHORS NOTE.

JUST THOUGHT I'D GET THAT OUT THERE.

SORRY GUYYSSS...

PSSTTT PSSTTTT AROUND 10 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO GUYSSSS. MAYBE LESS.

OR MAYBE...

NAH.

I THINK..

NO. ILL KEEP MY MOUTH QUIET.

DUN DUN DUN

BYEEE

~Y