Can't Help Falling In Love

Kabanata 38

Kabanata 38

Miserable

Sa halip na sagutin ang tanong ay tumayo ako sa upuan at nagsimulang maglakad papasok ng aming bahay. Pagkadating ko sa sliding door kung alin ang nagpaparte sa aming dalawa ni Kevin.

There, I saw the man that I love covered in purple bruises. The bruises that symbolizes the promise I that I couldn't keep. Nanggilid ang luha ko ng tumayo si Kevin para salubungin ako. Pakiramdam ko ay huminto ang buong paligid. Walang ibang tao, kaming dalawa lang.

Nang nagsimulang humakbang palapit sa akin si Kevin ay pakiramdam ko inugatan ang mga binti ko. Hindi ko maigalaw ang mga iyon, I just stood there... Waiting. Naramdaman ko ang ginhawa sa buo kong katawa ng yakapin ako ng mahigpit ni Kevin.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't talk. I just cried while Kevin hugged me tight.

"Let's give them some privacy..." Ani Hank at hinila palabas ng aming bahay ang aking mga kaibigan. Ganoon din ang ginawa ni daddy kay mommy. Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Kevin sa aming living room, tahimik lang, at magkayakap.

"I'm so sorry..." Kevin whispered. I shook my head, no it's not your fault! "I messed up, Kate... I messed up. All this mess is because of me."

"No, please... Don't say that..."

Inilayo ko si Kevin at hinawakan ko ang kanyang mukha. I stroked my fingers to where Hank's punches landed on. "No, Kevin... This is nobody's fault. This is all... wrong timing."

"I don't know what to do, Kate... Tell me what to do." Ani Kevin, nalilito. Kitang kita ko sa mga mata ni Kevin ang paghihirap. He's having a hard time dealing with all this. So am I. Hindi naman ito itinuro noong nagaaral. All the hard years in school, they didn't teach us how to handle life properly. They only taught us how to make our lives perfect in our heads.

"Kate, please marry me. Please, please..."

Nanggilid ang luha dahil doon. He wants this, he really does. "Kevin, please understand... Marriage will only make our problem even bigger than it already is. This is not the solution."

"Kate, I don't give a damn, alright?" He said then pressed his lips into a thin line. "If other solutions will jeopardize our life together then to hell with those solutions!"

"Hindi mo naiintindihan, Kevin... I want you to be happ—"

Hindi ko naituloy ang sasabihin ko dahil siniil ako ng halik ni Kevin. Madiin. "Please, don't say that... Please don't tell me to be happy with someone else. Because I won't be able to if you're not with me."

Kahit masakit ay marahan kong itinulak si Kevin. Hindi niya parin makuha ang gusto kong sabihin. Hindi niya parin makuha na nangyari na ang lahat. Wala nang magagawa pa para mabago ang lahat. The ink is dry, there's no turning back. The mistakes have been made. All we can do right now is to not make more mistakes.

"Kevin, hindi mo ako naiintindihan..."

"Then, please make me understand. Kasi hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mo ako tinutulak palayo sa'yo, Kate, kasi ayaw ko. Ayaw kong lumayo. Ayaw kong mawalay sa'yo."

"You won't..."

Bahagyang lumayo si Kevin sa akin at inihilamos ang kamay sa kanyang mukha. "Can you blame me if I don't believe anything you just said?"

Parang nagkaroon ng guwang ang aking dibdib dahil sa sinabi ni Kevin. Right. I left him even though I told him I would never. I tried to smile at him. "You won't lose me, Kevin. I promise."

"Marry me, then."

"I can't." I said then bit my lips. "We may not be together but you won't lose me, Kevin."