Vapor [LASHTON AU]

12

First, I changed my username from "@greenblueash_" to "@_hazelandblue_". Second, a very very late update and I am so sorry. I was really busy the past few weeks. So I tried to write this chapter as fast as I could so again there might be a lot of typo errors since also I write on my phone. I hope you would enjoy this one. Again, I'm so sorry.

Also, thank you so much for the reads. I really, really appreciate it. I love you all! <3

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All my life I have never been certain about anything except for two things. First, I am gay. Ever since I realized that I am attracted to males and males only, I already know for sure about what I am - who I am. I may have some fears about coming out but I have accepted it to myself and I am happy about it.

Second thing I am really certain about is, I am inlove with Ashton Irwin. I am so fucking in love with him. From the moment I first saw him I was already drawn into him by a force I couldn't quite explain, eventhough he was very rude to me at first.

I know I was a bit scared and really intimidated by him before but there was always this attraction that I have for him. That attraction grew more and more with how Ashton was with me and with the things he did for me, until I admitted to myself that I am surely growing feelings for him.

These feelings rapidly grew especially by the time that we admitted our liking for each other and became officially together.

As time went on with being with Ashton, I slowly have thought about falling in love with him. Though I didn't really know how that would be since I haven't been inlove before, but the intensity of my feelings for him isn't just a mere liking. It was more...and after our intimate moment together last night, I am sure that I am inlove with him.

Now, my problem is, I don't know if I should tell him or not. What if I will tell him but it would end up with him breaking up with me because me being in love is just not what he wants. Being in love with someone, even if you are already together, isn't just that easy of a thing to deal with. We might officially be together and we both really like each other, but it doesn't mean that we are both ready to take this relationship any further or the next step or whatever the hell you call that.

I may be into a much more serious relationship and would be very much happy of the idea of us both being inlove with each other but that doesn't mean Ashton shares the same preferences as mine. That man is not that easy to read. I know he cares for me because he shows me that he does, but that's it. I only know the things that he shows me and he tells me. Other than that, I don't know anything anymore about him.

It's not really a big deal for me that there are a lot of things that I still don't know about Ashton. He's a very secretive person and he only tells the things he wants to tell. I totally respect that.

I know he has a lot of things he keeps a secret; things about his past. The people closest to him have said or hinted about it numerous times already. I wanted to have a glimpse of his past so I can know him more but I know he just won't let anyone in. Like what Harry has told me before, it would take sometime for Ashton to warm up to anyone and trust them. I was just lucky enough that he kinda, in a way, warmed up to me - that he showed bits of emotions. I just really hope that one day, he'd realized that he can really trust me with anything.

Now I lay here beside him and watched him as he sleeps, looking so calm and peaceful. His curls are scattered across the pillow he laid on. His bare chest rising and falling slowly and calmly along with his breathing. He looks so beautiful as he always does and I still can't believe that he's mine. My boyfriend.

And last night? Damn, last night was really perfect. It was one of my favourite times ever. But it isn't because of just what we did, though it was really beautiful, but because of what I have overcome as well. I couldn't really thank Ashton enough for how he helped me get through my fears and how I was able to set myself free form all those haunting memories of Andrew. It was all because of Ashton: the man I am in love with.