Black Friday...
The worst yet best day to go shopping in the whole entire world.
Maybe only on earth, I heard there are intergalactic sales hourly!
As much money you save, you probably end up spending it in the queue!
Am I right?
So your eyes wonder around the store trying to find something to take you out of your miserable state of boredom.
You come across a pretty lady standing in the queue next to you, looking equally as bored. You take in her outfit, a beautiful pink shirt, with a pair of boyfriend jeans... But what sits between her shirt and jeans is what peaks your interest.
"When's your due date?", you ask in your friendliest voice.
She appears to have the biggest face filled with confusion and says, "Excuse me? What due date?"
"Uhhh, the baby in your stomach there", you reply, pointing to her stomach.
"Well I'm not pregnant" she screams while chucking a can of tuna at you.
HOW TO EFFECTIVELY DODGE TUNA CANS THROWN BY AN ENRAGED NON-PREGNANT WOMAN:
Runaway Model:
Back away. Slowly. Laugh nervously. Hope you are wearing your running shoes and make sure that you successfully dodge those cans. Run. Forget about whatever you were waiting in line for, start shopping online.
Honesty Is The Best Policy:
If you aren't as cowardly as that, begin apologising profusely. Acknowledge that you made a mistake and hope that she isn't too offended to forgive you. Perhaps you can accompany your apology with a box of chocolates and that sweet little innocent smile that you have.
Bazinga:
Say it was a joke. Laugh. Get her to laugh too. Explain a situation where I similar thing might've happened to you or someone you know. Explain that you didn't intend to offend her at all.
Crocodile Tears:
Start crying because you suddenly remembered your mother's stories of when she was pregnant, it was very touching and seeing this almost-pregnant looking woman just reminded you of the happy memories you experienced whilst your mother was pregnant.
When I Grow Up:
Spin an elaborate story about how you've always wanted a HUGE family with at least 7 kids, 6 cats, 3 dogs, a parrot, some chickens and 15 fish. Oh and a horse if you're rich. Hopefully this will distract her enough from your embarrassing blunder and can provide her with some entertainment.
My Gym Partner Is Not A Monkey:
Invite her to your gym for a fun day! And no, I don't mean doing boring exercises like treadmills and sit ups. I mean fun exercises, join a class and learn some fun new ways to exercise.
Let Her Eat Cake:
Lastly, get her some cake. You don't have to be pregnant to enjoy sweet and wonderful sugary goodness!
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HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE NEW COVER?
SPECIAL THANKS TO MY SPAGHETTI FRIEND FOR THE BRILLIANT ARTWORK!!
YOU ARE READING
Double D's
RandomEtiquette noun et·i·quette \ˈe-ti-kət, -ˌket\ : the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life Join us (secret assholes in disguise), give you advice on the DO's an...
