Etiquette
noun et·i·quette \ˈe-ti-kət, -ˌket\
: the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life
Join us (secret assholes in disguise), give you advice on the DO's an...
It's Monday morning, the sun seeping in through the curtains and the first thing that crosses your mind is your lover...
The one that makes everything better. You head barefooted to the kitchen to greet your other half with a loving embrace. But you're assaulted out of your enchantment when your lover is gone!
Coffee, no more?!?!?
Your precious, that lights up every dark part of your life and your soul... Is gone?!?! What kinda sick joke is this?!?!
You whine and throw a tantrum like a naughty child in the middle of the toy isle at the nearest supermarket.
And then you spot the culprit from across the room and you stand watching your sibling with hawk eyes as he sips on your beloved.
HOW TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON, WITH YOUR LOVER:
Innocence Is Bliss:
Stroll over to that gorgeous cup in those filthy hands, and smile sweetly. Point innocently to the contents of the cup. When he brings his eye closer to inspect... BOOMCHAKALAKA! You have sweet revenge and your brother looks like a grumpy old man who's about to skin you alive. Run.
The Roadtrip:
Highjack your parents' car. Go to your nearest cafe and pull out your pockets then throw all your change on the counter, get your steaming hot latte.
All For One, One For All:
Innocently get your brother to place his cup on the counter, and tell him that your mother is calling him. Once he's out of the room, grab the biggest spoon you can find and fill it up with salty goodness. When he returns, hide your face in your Rice Krispies and wait for him to snap, crackle and pop.
Spit or Swallow:
Swallow your pride, walk across the room, spit on his bare feet, and take your coffee. Nobody touches bae because, "My inner llama is strong". Remember to keep your stare just as strong while you do this. He's bound to remember not to mess with your 'wild' side.
Kicking & Screaming:
Kick his shins off. Scream in tongues. Either way, he won't do it again in fear of the psycho with the coffee obsession that you hide so well.
5 Second Rule:
Casually bump his arm so your lover splashes on the floor. Keep in mind that the 5 second rule ALWAYS counts, so gracefully fall to the floor and lick as fast as you can. Look out for the glass.
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