Etiquette
noun et·i·quette \ˈe-ti-kət, -ˌket\
: the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life
Join us (secret assholes in disguise), give you advice on the DO's an...
As usual, your best friend is insistent that you join her shopping spree.
That doesn't sound too bad...
But when you think of ALL the problems with shopping, you instantly think of the loooooong lines.
Yes. Those gigantic, hour long lines. And you know from your experience that the queue NEVER ends!
But who's in the mood to go shopping when the queues are practically out the doors?
Your dear best friend.
Your friend wants you to go with her/him to the mall that is expectantly packed on the weekends. You simply don't feel like moving yourself out of bed nevermind walking all squished up with other customers.
HOW TO DITCH YOUR BEST FRIEND WITH SLIGHT GUILT:
Walk The Dog:
Since your not up for getting out of bed, tell her to take her dog with. She'll have perfect security with her. If anyone decides to grab the last pink shirt in her size, she can sic the dog on her mortal enemy. And don't forget chasing others out of the long check out lines!
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Friends For All:
If you are unfortunate to not have a dog, like sweet ol' awkward_tumbleweed or an unshoppable cat like KinderKari, then you better hope that there are people willing to shop 'til they drop with your best friend. Don't let them know how torturous it is, just tell them the good sides of shopping with her, when convincing them to join the shopaholic.
Liar Pants On Fire:
If dishonesty is your route to a perfect friendship, then you're in the perfect place!
🍩 Pregnancy Cravings
I'm pregnant with triplets, aka my fried chicken, cupcakes and dumplings. You have to take care of that food baby by lazing around in your room. If you were to accompany your friend you would only slow down her shopping spree. All you want is to have a lay in bed!
🍝 Dinner For 3
"I am going out to dinner with my parents. Eating all that food will exhaust me so I'll be going to bed real early." There will always be some room for more food so it's partly a lie.
🚑 Call 911
"I slipped in my bathtub and sprained my ankle. I don't think my wheel chair will be keep up with you. "
🎭 Being Extra
"My ex works in one of the shops in there and I wouldn't want his face to ruin the rest of my life!"
🐺 Hot Dog
"My dog is throwing up and I need to care of him as my parents are going out to a fancy restaurant."
Only use this if you have a dog!
⚠️ Snooze
"I need to catch up on my sleep after all those dreadful assignments that kept me awake all night." We all understand that sleep is important. You can't be walking like a zombie... unless you can pull of that kind of look.
Ugh, Honesty:
If you don't feel like putting out an innocent lie to your friend, just be straight up honest and tell your friend that you don't feel like going. She should be understandable towards you without going superpsycho on you.
Well that can't be 100% guaranteed by us, your Double D's writers. If something happens please don't come after us, but do read our book.
Online:
As technologically advanced as we are today, perhaps she does not know this little thing called shopping online. Anything can be dropped at your doorstep anytime you order something. So it's time that you start teaching her.
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We recommend buying up a store, when someone else is paying for your new wardrobe :)
