This isn't what I want

chapter 2

** Home **

Can I call this place home? It doesn't feel like a home. You should feel safe in your own home. I don't think I'll ever feel safe here.

The front door slams open. Shit, Will's come home early.

"JENNIFER!" He yells out. I'm too frightened to answer my own husband. "JENNIFER JAREAU - LAMONTAGNE COME HERE!"

Shaking, I walk downstairs and see him sitting on the sofa, a can of beer on the table.

"Will? What's up?"

"What's up? I'll tell you what's up." He says sarcastically. "I watched you leave the BAU. You didn't have the decency to let me know you were coming home early. Did you say anything?"

"No, of course not." I stutter.

"LIAR!" He yells, slamming his hand down on the table, making me jump.

He's undoing his shirt, and he lunges. Drunk, he stumbles and knocks into a wall. He's raging now, and he dives once more, knocking me to the floor. He drags me by my ankle and lifts me up. He's carrying me upstairs. I'm scared of his strength. Of his power. Of how far he will go.

"Will, don't." I beg as he unlocks the door of the hidden room.

"Shut the fuck up, bitch. You don't get to tell me what to do. You're my wife. You're supposed to do what I tell you without arguing. Is that too much to ask?"

"No, I'm sorry."

"I told you to shut up. Now take your shirt off."

"Will.."

"I SAID TAKE IT OFF." He screams at me.

My hands shake as I try to undo the buttons. Will gets impatient. He leans forward and rips my shirt open, so that my bra is exposed and my shirt hangs in pieces.

"Lie down."

Starting to cry, I lie down on the bed, and he ties my legs to the bedposts. He pushes a damp cloth in my mouth and tapes it shut so I can barely breathe. I know what's coming and I turn my face away. But he forces me to face him. He yells me to open my eyes. As I look up to him, his fist knocks into my chin. I taste blood inside my mouth but can't do anything. I'm almost choking as he undoes the tape. I spit the cloth out and he tips water into my mouth. Whether clumsy or on purpose, water spills all over my face and my chest. My chin stings and I can't swallow. I fear that Will is about to force me to swallow but instead he bends over and wipes the water away with a towel.

"Why are you so pathetic, Jennifer?" He asks me.

I can't say anything. I try to shrug but my shoulders hurt. I realise he is actually sitting on top of me. I still can't do anything and I feel him getting impatient. He shakes me hard but I'm paralysed as I lie underneath him.

Before I know anything, he covers my entire face with the towel and water spills into my mouth, and fills it up. I'm suffocating and choking, and my eyes are watering. I can't breathe. And then it's over. He stops pouring, and removes the towel. I swallow hard, and the water cuts as it moves down my throat. It's freezing, and the remains of my wet shirt cling to my thin body.

"You didn't like that?"

"No."

"Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson."

"What?"

Will undoes his pants. He's in his underwear. He takes a pair of scissors from the dresser and slices up my pant leg, cutting away my pants. He stops when he gets to my hips. And then he pulls. It hurts as the cloth is torn from my skin. He pulls down my underwear and unzips my bra. I'm begging him to stop but I can't move. My legs and arms thrash but they're tied down. He feels the shape of my waist. His eyes move past my breasts down to my thighs. I want him to look away. To tell me that I'm not worth it. To do anything other than rape me. Because this isn't what I want. This is never what I wanted.