This isn't what I want

chapter 29

** JJ's POV **

Lights flash bright and I feel like I'm floating. The walls flash in and out of focus and I hear people talking around me. I try move my legs, but I can't feel them. I can't move my arms because I can feel the tight restraints.

I think of Will and suddenly I'm back in there. Back in that room. Will's on top of me, pushing against my ribs. I can't breathe. I'm struggling against the thick ties on my hand and legs and I try to take a deep breath. There's a hand on my shoulder and I want to push them off but my arms are tied down so I try to shake them off.

All of a sudden, everything stops. Will's not on top of me, nothing is on my arms and legs, and there's something bright. Something almost blinding me. I move my legs, and stand up, moving towards the light. I hear whispers of voices, calling my name.

"Jennifer." I hear.

"I'm coming." I say, and the light dims slightly. "Ross!"

"Hey, Jen, how are you?"

"Ross, I've missed you so much." I say with a smile.

She puts her arms round me and says "Me too. Love you."

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question, Jen. Honey, what's happened?"

She talks so softly that I just collapse into her hug.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This isn't what I want. Don't get me wrong, I love talking to you, but I don't want to go. I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's alright. What went wrong?"

"I don't know. I loved him, and he loves me. But he just wanted too much. And I didn't. It's all my fault."

"Jen, none of this is your fault."

"Do I have to go stay?"

"However much I'd love you to stay, you don't have to. It's too early, hon, it's not your time yet. I promise I'll be here when it is."

"Promise?"

"Promise." She says, holding out her little finger.

I shake it, and then turn and walk away. The last thing I see is her shiny hair, the exact same shade as mine, before she's gone.

** Hotch's POV **

I sit beside her as she lies asleep. It's scary seeing all the tubes connected to her. She got through surgery, but she lost a lot of blood.

I don't hear the doctor come in and I jump slightly when he speaks.

"Aaron Hotchner, is it?"

"Yes, how is she?"

"She's stable for now, but she's not out of the woods yet. The next few hours are critical. I'm afraid there was internal bleeding due to blunt force trauma, and we have to make sure her organs are all functioning as they should."

"Thank you for looking after her, Doctor."

He leaves me and I watch her chest rise up and down. The sound of her machine beeping comforts me as I know she's alive. Her heart is beating strong.

Suddenly, the machine flashes red. Emily starts shaking in her bed, and I hold on to her.

"No, Emily, please. Emily, you're going to be fine. WHERE'S THE DOCTOR?" I yell out.

I'm pushed out of the room as doctors rush inside. Someone is yelling instructions, and I just stand outside watching with tears in my eyes.