This isn't what I want

chapter 17

** Emily's POV **

I can see it in Reid's eyes. The pain. I know he feels hurt that JJ didn't tell him about the last two years.

"Hey, Spencer, you can't blame yourself. She felt it was best not to tell, it was her decision alone."

"Emily, she should have told me. She should have felt like she could tell me. And I should have known. Emily, I should have known."

He sobs into my shoulder and I do my best to comfort him. Then, the doctor comes out.

"Doctor Reid?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"I'm afraid we have some bad news. Jennifer shows signs of sexual activity last night, only we don't think it was consensual."

"What?"

"Doctor, she was raped last night. And as a result, um, she lost her baby."

I could feel him as he fell to the floor. I couldn't believe it myself. All of a sudden, there are medics rushing around with oxygen masks trying to make him comfortable as he regained consciousness.

"Please, what was the gender?"

"Jennifer had a miscarriage at 4 weeks. It was a baby girl."

"Is she going to be alright?"

"There is no lasting damage. Unfortunately, one can only guess what she will feel when she wakes up."

"Thank you. Thank you for taking care of her."

"Of course. I know how hard it is. We do our best here. I'm afraid we can't perform miracles."

"Thanks anyway."

As she goes, I sit down and hunch up, resting my chin on my knees. JJ's like my sister, and I feel like I've betrayed her. I couldn't keep her safe when she was hurting. And now this. Goodness knows how she will continue to smile after these past two years.

** Four weeks later **

** JJ's POV **

Finally out of hospital. I swear I've spent half my life in a hospital with this job. And with ... him.

But he's out of my life now. I hate myself but I'm glad that I no longer have his baby inside of me. It makes my skin crawl whenever I think about what he did to me.

I'm back home now, and Emily's here. Staying with me for a few days. Well, it's already been a week.

"Em, you can go home now you know. Will's not going to come back here, I'll make sure of it."

"Look, I know we caught that guy he was with, but that doesn't mean you're safe."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying, he could come back. That guy was responsible for attacks on prostitutes, Will abused you for two years."

"I'm over it, honest. And hopefully so is he. He hasn't been here, or near my boy. It's good."

"Are you sure?" She asks me, staring into my eyes.

I look away because for some reason, I can't talk about what's on my mind.

"Yes, of course. Another glass of wine?"

"Sure..." She says, not really convinced.

There is something else. Something that I'm not ready to talk about. That night in the hospital.