This isn't what I want

chapter 14

** JJ's POV **

At sharp intake of breath and I'm spluttering. Coughing nonstop. My airway is extremely constricted and I can't breathe. Then they remove the tube and I can breathe again.

"Hey, Jennifer, you're going to be alright. You and the baby."

For a moment I think I misheard her.

"I'm sorry, baby?"

"You don't know? Mrs Jareau-LaMontagne, you're pregnant. Three weeks pregnant."

At this moment my entire world crumbles. She said the words I hadn't wanted to hear for a very long time.

"Is it Will's?" I whisper.

"I'm sorry, I don't know who Will is and we don't know who the father is. Surely you know?" The doctor asks me.

"Yes of course. Sorry, I'm being silly."

When the doctor leaves, I begin to cry. I look down at my stomach where the horrible monster has implanted his DNA. I want to rip it out of myself. I don't want any trace of him anywhere near me ever again. Slowly, I reach for the first aid kit in the corner. I've been in enough hospitals to know how they keep things. There is always always scalpel in one of the kits for emergency use.

Sure enough, I find it and remove the plastic cap. My hand shaking slightly, I hold it over my stomach. I turn away.

Just as I'm about to cut the foetus out of me, the door opens and I hear a scream.

"JJ?" Spence asks me in shock, staring at the scalpel.

** Reid's POV **

She's broken. She is. It hurts but I have to say it. The old JJ would never have done this. The JJ I knew before she met Will. She would never harm herself or a child.

"Jaydge, what is it?"

She breaks down crying and I rush to comfort her. Her beautiful hair hangs limp around her thin shoulders. Suddenly I realise how much Will has changed her.

Any time someone comes close she jumps. Just the smallest flinch, but it's there. I should have noticed it sooner.

"Jaydge, come on."

"You don't understand Spence. You don't know what he did. I couldn't tell anyone about him, or he'd hurt my boy. Henry is all I have. And now I've got another child. A child I won't love. A child I don't want. That monster violated me in my own home, my own bed. I never feel safe there."

"Jaydge..."

I have no words. I truly am speechless as I watch my love cry and cry. She looks at her abdomen.

"I hate it. I'll never love it. I can't even acknowledge this child is a person. Do you know how that makes me feel? It makes me sick to think like this."

"Come on JJ, you can teach this child how to respect others. To be different to their father. To grow up a kind, polite, helpful person."

There's a weakness in her eyes. She looks exhausted and I gently push her back against the pillows.

"You should get some rest. I promise we will all be back tomorrow." I say and give her hand a squeeze.

She nods and smiles before turning to face the wall. She's right. I don't know what he did. But right now, I just want to destroy him.