Hard Time (Hard Time Series Book 1)

Doing Your Best

LENA POV

"Baby, why didn't you tell me what happened. Huh? You know I would have been there for you. You know this babylove." I said to Stef sitting beside her in our cell as she just spilled to me about what happened with her son. Yes, I knew she had been off the last few weeks because of Tracey and everything happening with the Panthers but something else was going on as well and I didn't want to push her at all. The thing was Stef was easy for me to read, very, and I understood her well but what I needed for her to understand was that I was here for her and always would be. Something she still seemed to forget for she was so use to handling everything on her own but that wasn't the case anymore. It just wasn't and never would be anymore.

"Is he ok baby did they say when he could go home?" I asked gently sliding my hand into hers as I could feel the stress and tension coming from her body. My poor baby god I couldn't even imagine how she was feeling I thought soon stroking the side of her face with the back of my hand affectionately.

"They are keeping him. I don't know they want to observe him and, and I can't even talk to him. Do you know how fucking frustrating that is. Fucking ,mother, fucking shit and it was bad enough my brother was pushing it in my face that I'm fucking locked up and can't be involved in their daily parental decisions. Him and fucking Judy."

"Judy? Who is Judy?"

"Some bitch he's banging and marrying. Fuck them." She said getting up and lighting a cigarette.

"Babe..

"I don't care Lena. What will they do huh? Take away a fucking privilege. Wow let them and fuck them too. I'll smoke as much as I fucking want. I don't give a shit. And honestly my brother can kiss my ass. He really fucking can. I mean how could he not tell me what the hell was going on?That my son was at such a low state that he needed or they considered putting him on antidepressants. How did I not know? How did I not see it or hear it when I spoke to him? What the the fuck is wrong with me! How as his mama did I not know! How! I can read everyone of my girls in here, every single one and I can't read my own son!?"

"Baby listen," I said getting up and gently grabbing her hand as she blew the smoke out of her mouth. Taking the cigarette from her I placed it in the astray and looked right into her heartbroken eyes."Honey it's not always that easy. Jude, he may have felt like this for years, or it may have just crept up on him without anyone realizing. Depression especially in young teens or kids is not always easy to diagnose especially post traumatic but what is important is that your brother is there and that he cares. Do not go down the road of continuing to blame yourself baby. What happened with Frankie's father was, it was unfortunate. It was and it's hard to know how someone is feeling especially over the phone and email. It just is babe. Even in person it can be hard and he might have been very good at hiding things."

"I'm his mama Lena. Jude and I were always close well before this shit. And well I should have given him and Frankie a better life. I should not have stayed with her father.I should have left sooner I should have led a normal life, I should have gotten a normal job instead of dancing on poles."

"Honey you did what you needed to. Listen all of our lives could have ended differently or turned out differently. You know this and as shitty as it is for me to say this we all ended up in here for a reason.  I'm not saying it's easy because we all know it's not and I can't even imagine how you feel about what is going on with Jude. I can't my love but what matters is that he is ok and your brother is going to make sure he gets the help he needs. Thank god for that because imagine if he didn't have him? Imagine if him or Frankie didn't? I know you are angry with him but try to have a little tiny bit more trust in him. He's taken care of your kids all this time right?"