Hard Time (Hard Time Series Book 1)

Sweet Pea

I apologize if there are typos. I will fix them if there are! Enjoy! It's a long one!

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CALLIE POV

Leaving my little girl at the hospital had been so hard. One of the hardest things ever next to going to jail and being raped by my mother's boyfriend. Not that selling my body wasn't the worst thing ever and getting my ass kicked by pimps but ever since this little baby had been born nothing grabbed my heart more than her. Mommy had told me during my entire pregnancy that I would experience a new kind of love and it wasn't something she could really explain she said. But that I would know it and she was right. I did.

To be honest it had been hard when I first learned I was pregnant because I knew who her father was and it was not consensual by any means. The entire thing made me feel dirty and I just wasn't sure if I had the baby how I would feel about her. How I would treat her and if I would be able to love and care for her knowing how she was conceived. Of course it wasn't her fault, not by any means but when she grew up and asked who her father was how would I explain it? What would I tell her because it was not some magical story by any means. Many nights it still ran through my head but right now I could never imagine not having her. Not at alland if it had not been for Mommy I may not have.

When I first found out I was pregnant I was still one of Stef's minions but even prior to that and prior to learning about my medical issues she never did give me the worst jobs. For some reason she usually kept me in her site and at close distance which was ok but I was still very afraid of her. I hid when I felt sick, and I hid that I threw up every morning because I was just use to it and didn't want to cause any problems. Truth was I wasn't the toughest and I was very different from the other girls in the Den like Tracey who had scared the crap out of me in the beginning. But I learned she had a soft spot and always thanked me for the jolly ranchers I left on her pillow when I could.

Of course Alex was a pain in my ass but she wasn't around long thankfully since she started to become rebellious and stray away from Mommy. It was when she got demoted to my jobs and worse that my relationship changed even more with Stef especially when she found out about my medical issues and promised to take care of me. To me I figured it just meant she would make sure I ate and that no one would jump me or try to kill me. But it went past that. Far beyond that and far beyond her making sure I got my medication which I didn't expect her to do. No one had ever really been concerned about my health ever and I didn't expect that to change, but each month she handed the pills to me like clockwork and asked everyday if I took them. It was no different when I found out I was pregnant and it was then things really changed between us for my fear of her disappeared completely and I saw a side that not many people got to see.

FLASHBACK

"I can't, I can't be pregnant." I said to Tracey as tears fell from my eyes and she took a seat beside me. Tracey still scared me at the time even if our relationship was changing for the better. I learned she was very kind, extremely loyal, and we had actually done similar things to get by when we were on the outside. Her stories were just as horrific if not more and she showed me a few of her scars from when she use to cut. Thankfully she no longer did that and found relief through her music. A passion we both shared that would serve us well in the future.

"It's ok Cals. We can help you. Mommy will help you, I mean you know that shit right? She won't let nothing happen to you."

"I know but I don't think I can have it. I just don't. "Wrapping her arm around me I didn't make it a habit to cry in front of anyone. But I couldn't help it right now and my brain was so fucked. How could I have this baby knowing who the father was and how it came about it. How?