Hard Time (Hard Time Series Book 1)

Hurt Feelings

LENA POV

"Can I talk to you love."  I heard Stef ask in almost of a whisper as I was lightly cleaning our cell and folding the sheets a bit. Turning around and glancing to her I couldn't help but wonder if she was going to really talk to me about what was really going on as I could see the concern on her face.

"Sure. Everything ok?"

"Um, can we sit?"

"Sure." Taking a seat at the game table she took the across from me  with her head down as I was growing more concerned and gently rested my hand on her thigh. "Baby what is it?"

"Len you know I'd do anything for you. For the people I love. For these girls. That's just me."

"I know." I said as she looked into my eyes her face becoming somewhat hard to read. "And you have honey. You always have but there are limits sometimes. Especially when they affect you mentally and emotionally."

"We don't always have a choice babe." She said getting up.

"Depending on what it is will dictate how extreme or how far one needs to go. And it sometimes depends on who it's for baby."

"I have no limits to how far I will go with you or Callie, Roxy, Tracey, my own children."

"I know that. I know that very well and neither do I. You know how loyal I am. Extremely and if I wasn't I would not have done half the things I have baby. But what is going on because it is far more than what you have told me and I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were stupid Lena.Never."

"Ok then tell me how it is you got to go to the hospital with Callie and how you got her in the program. And tell me the real reason. Tell me how far you went."

"Lena you don't need to ask that." She whispered.

"I do. Because I need to hear it from you. I have my suspicions but I need to hear it from your mouth Stef and you need to be honest with me. I'm not the kind of person who is just gonna sit here and let things happen."

"I've been honest with you Lena."

"In what world? Not about this you have not. Not at all and you know that. You have not included me in any way."

"I have so. I have included you in everything that we do and that ...

"I don't mean that. I mean this. And you know what I mean. I told you we would figure something out together as a couple and as a team because I care just like you do. I do and you underestimate me." I said now growing anger and raising my voice as I could see the annoyance on hers.

"Jesus if there is one person I don't underestimate is you Lena. Come on how can you say that! I know what you have done! I've seen what you have done and how loyal and committed you are and how far you will go and have gone! I'm not blind or dumb!"

"I never said you were blind or dumb but you underestimate me! You think I won't be able to get it done."

"Oh bullshit! That's bullshit and now you are pissing me off woman!"

"Yeah? Well you piss me off when you keep shit from me as if I won't know how to handle it or won't know what to do. I can do way more than you know! And I already knew what you were doing. You think I didn't know you fucked the Warden? You think I didn't know. I knew because it was written all over your face and when you wouldn't touch me, or let me touch you. And I also knew because that program doesn't even allow violent criminals into it. So you tell me. Am I wrong? Are you doing what I think you are?"

"You know the fucking answer so stop asking me." She said looking me dead in the face and letting out a sigh. "I mean why do you need to even ask me since you claim to know it all anyway.  Know what I'm thinking and shit."

"What? I never said that for christ sake! Stop putting words in my mouth! I only said I had an idea because I know you. I do and let me tell you I have every right to be upset with you! Every single right!"

"I never said you didn't! But I will do whatever I need to for this family! Whatever I need to Lena and I was long before you came along!"

"Oh long before I came along huh! Well guess what! Guess what Stef! You didn't give me the chance to do what I needed to help you in regards to this! To help you with this so that you didn't need to do what you are doing and did. I sat in that bed with you and told you I would help you! That all of us could and you never gave me the chance too!"

"You have your own things! That I want you to take care of and I don't want to load you with shit. This is my issue to handle this. I made this promise! Not you!"

"So what! So what if you alone made this promise! I want to help you to to help fulfill that promise with you! You think it's easy knowing what you did! Huh? Of course not and to have you not tell me and hide it from me! You think that is easy when you and I have a strong relationship. A very strong one based on trust, love, loyalty and understanding and I have backed everyone of your choices, your decisions. All of it! Even the ones I didn't 100 percent agree with!"

"What? What did you not agree with? Now you tell me this shit!? I never sat here and forced you to agree with anything Lena! Nothing! Jesus Christ you tell me this now woman for the love of god! You make me nearly half fucking insane! I swear to god you do!  You know how much shit I have going on in my head! Huh! Between running this shit, and making sure everyone stays alive, to keeping my fucking kids! You wanna add to it! Huh? You are stressing me out more than anyone and anything I'm dealing with!" She said screaming at me as I was angry with her right now. Beyond angry.

"Fine then you know what. Keep doing what you are doing! Go on! Keep fucking him, keep not touching me, continue to keep things from me and not talk to me about all that is going on in your head. Go ahead! And  while you are at it take this back and run this Lions Den yourself! Go on and see if I care! Don't talk to me!" I said taking my ring off and slamming it on the table and storming off.

"Lena!" She yelled after me and trying to grab my hand as I pulled away roughly looking her dead in the eyes.

"Screw you! I try my best with you! Always and if I'm stressing you out more than anyone then go find someone else who won't!"

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Well that went well. Wonder why Lena got SO pissed!