~Seduce me~|| ~FanFiction~ || ~Seven Demons all around you~|| Incubi x reader||

Chapter 17 ~ James route 3 ~ Decision

Christmas had come and gone, in my eyes way to quickly. It was fun having spent those days with the brothers. Today was Sunday. I'd have to go back to school again tomorrow but now I gave myself a day off my studies and took the liberty of reading a book that was not school related. I finished a chapter and spoke for the first time since I opened the book. ''James... are you any closer regarding finding out what love is?'' I asked. We were both in the study since that was the only place where we could read without being disturbed. He was reading in a different book than several months back but a similar subject. ''Not quite. It is a big subject. I am glad that I am a Demon though because I am going to need my long lifespan to find it out. Why the question Miss?'' James asked, putting a bookmark in his book before closing it. He did not seem to mind that I interrupted his reading. ''Leylia and Bleys who also came here to study are in a relationship. I am happy for them but the way they look at eachother. I just can not place it. I know we had a conversation about love and you asked me what I thought it was. I called love not true or a lie. But that it was important to express what you feel. My answer was simple but love is anything but that. Also...'' whatever changed in my expression seemed to worry James a bit. ''Nevermind.'' I decided although this was not enough for James. ''Tell me.'' he said and I sighed. ''Seeing Leylia and Bleys the way they are now somehow hurts. Not just with them but seeing other couples too. I never thought myself to be the jealous type but seeing people in love actually makes me want to run away. Not that I do but it makes some sort of pit grow in my chest.'' I sighed. ''Have you ever been in love before? Or was there a person you desired?'' James asked. ''That is possible but to tell you the truth, I... don't know. I am regaining memories I had with you and your brothers but nothing before that. Fundamentally I know I have had a variety of emotions linked to certain events. I realise those things when looking at others. Despite not getting the actual memory back I do get the emotions. When I consider what I feel when seeing other people so happy with a partner though, I think that at some point I did love someone. But thinking that makes my chest ache even more. Whatever happened, it was not good. When looking at parents with their children I almost remember my own with joy only to feel very lonely afterwards. It is strange.'' I admitted. James seemed to be in thought before saying something. ''It is brave you know? Coming forward with what you feel. There are not many who can do that.'' James got on his feet. ''Do you think you are able to understand your emotions better if you had your memories back?'' he asked. ''To be honest I am not sure. It will clarify a lot but I am also scared. Why do you ask?'' I asked and looked at James. ''After you visited Mika for the first time with Erik and Damien, Diana called me. She knows a way that could help you get your memories back. In case she can not do it herself she knows someone who could do it instead. I have considered it with my brothers but in the end we concluded it is you who should make this choice. You do not have to choose now but know that the option is there would you want it.''

A bunch of feelings rushed through me. Yes, I wanted to remember. Who I was, whatI was, where I actually came from. Did I have a family? Was there someone waiting for me? I would not be so defenceless anymore either. Yet... something stopped me from being as enthusiastic as I should be. ''To be honest James... I don't know. Something about the idea scares me making me think that it is best if I don't get them back, ever. Besides...'' I smiled at James. ''I have my precious memories mostly back from meeting you and your brothers so... that is good enough for me.'' James smiled after I spoke. ''The option will remain open Miss. Whatever you choose, my brothers and I shall support you the entire way.'' James said and offered me his hand. He pulled me on my feet the moment I took it. His grip weakened slightly however. ''James are you ok?'' I asked and he nodded. ''You look like you could use a refreshing outdoor walk to get your mind off things. Care for a stroll outside?'' he asked. ''Y-yea... sure. Let me put on something warmer first though. Same for you. It is freezing outside. Would not want you to catch a cold.'' James smiled and nodded. ''Would not want to worry you.'' I headed to my room and thought for a moment as I changed clothes. Was he hungry? Or was it something else that made him lose his grip for a moment.