Pretty Girls ⇼ Luke Hemmings

Who the Fuck Are You?

(Picture is Valerie)

When I first started at the University of Chicago, I thought that it was finally time for me to break out of my shell. I wanted to go to parties, stay out all night, and not have to worry about my overprotective parents or all the horrible judgements I'd face from our church congregation. The town I grew up in was only a three-hour drive away, but I still felt free and able to do whatever I pleased. I'd counted the hours of my summer vacation, waiting until I got to live in a dorm, with a roommate I didn't know, and get into trouble.

All of that came crumbling down when I got to campus. My roommate decided to switch colleges last minute, so I was left alone in my dorm room. Without having even a roommate to rely on, I got used to doing things on my own. Due to my introverted nature, I no longer felt the need to make friends with my classmates. All I wanted to do was go to class and go back home. My need for going out seemed to diminish.

It seemed that almost overnight, I'd turned from an eager girl, ready to party—to a lonesome girl, ready to study. Of course, my parents were happy about that. When they'd call to check in I was always alone, always working ahead in my classes. This overjoyed them, especially since they didn't want me to go away for college in the first place. But it was something I had to do. I had to get away from their overbearing nature and learn how to live a life that I wanted to live, rather than the life they set up for me.

For my entire life, I'd been controlled by my parents. They told what to eat, when to sleep, how often to study, what classes I could take. They even chose a selective boarding school for me to attend throughout my high school years. For a while, I was perfectly fine with this, as I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. My parents told me that this was best for me, and I believed them.

But as time grew on, I began to grow weary of the fact that I'd never picked a class that I wanted to attend and I've never made friends that I thought I'd bond with. I felt like I was living in a prison with my parents as the wardens and by the time I was in high school, I couldn't take it anymore. I knew I had to break out of the jail cell they kept me in (both mentally and physically) and move onto better things, to things I wanted to achieve.

Another thing I had to do was find a solid group of friends before my first year of college was over. I'd maintained a couple of good friends in highschool, but none that I could rely on when I really needed someone. I never really felt comfortable being myself around them, and I didn't want my college experience to be like the time I spent at boarding school, so I took a risk. I've never been one for risks, so when I told my parents about my plans to allow another student to move in with me, they freaked out. They were worried that with a new roommate, I'd get lost in a feeling of excitement and end up neglecting my school work.

I'd assured them it would be fine, but all I knew about my new roommate was that she'd move in while I was on Christmas break (I also knew that she lived a few states away and didn't get along with her parents, so she felt like there was no point in going home in the first place). I feared that she'd go through my things while I was away, but I put on a fake smile and told my parents that a roommate was what I needed because of how lonesome I'd been the first semester. I honestly didn't think I could bear being alone for the rest of the year.

Whatever the reason was for her getting kicked out of her old dorm, I didn't care. Getting rid of my single room status and gaining a roommate meant that I'd finally have a friend at college (maybe more if she'd introduce me around). I finally felt like I was doing this whole college thing properly but my mom and dad didn't, and they made it very clear to me on the ride back to campus.

"It's not too late to find a single dorm, Valerie." Dad told me, staring at me through the rearview mirror before he focused back on driving.

"Aren't you worried about living with someone you don't even know?" Mom asked.