Paper Balls | Yoonmin

saturday

i tend to get delerious when i'm tired, much like this morning. honestly, i barely remember much. i just remember us talking a lot and him crying because his eyes were puffy when we woke up. i was serious when i said he's like perfect husband material but did i really ask him, you know, to marry me? jimin hasn't said anything. i don't think i did. i think i would remember if i did.

it's too early to ask that kind of question. we are only children. what am i thinking?

push that out of your mind, yoongi. i shook my head and got out of his bed, leaving him still there.

i went into the bathroom and shut the door. my face suddenly turned pale.

i really told him he wouldn't lose me, didn't i? why am i so stupid?

it's saturday. my heart sunk and my blood seemed to run cold. i opened the door quietly and walked over to his bed, careful not to wake him.

i kissed his forehead before turning and running out of the room and out of his house. i slowed down after a bit, seeing that my house wasn't too far away.

i walked in the front door and was met by my foster mom.

"ah, there you are. glad you remembered. i didn't know where you were."

i nodded, not looking up at her.

"well, go get yourself cleaned up. we have to leave soon."

i nodded again and disappeared into my room. i sucked up whatever confidence i had and changed into different clothes, brushing my teeth and fixing my hair before going back down.

"ready?"

"yeah." my voice was shaky.

jimin tried calling me but i ignored it. it pained me to but i just can't talk to him right now. i've got things to sort out.

we pulled into the parking lot. i hesitated before getting out. but, i told myself that waiting was going to do me no good. it would only postpone what i was bound to find out.

"i'll be waiting here for when you're done." she gave me a small hug and i followed my doctor into a little room. she had me sit up on the table lik3 a child. she pulled out a small book and began to ask me questions.

"so, how have you been feeling?"

"fine. good, actually."

"good. no more migraines?"

"i got one the other day."

"are you sexually active?"

"n-no." i said, looking down in embarrassment.

"do you have a boyfriend finally?" she joked and i nodded.

"aw, what's he like?"

"nice. cute. very smart." i gave a brief summary.

"no more weird feelings in your chest? no more blood?"

"no, not since my last visit."

"i see the tick went away? i knew that stuff would work." she chuckled.

"yeah," i said nervously.

"don't be scared, yoongi. you've done this many times. and plus, things are looking up for you! maybe you're all better!"

she took me into the familiar room that sent sivers down my spine.

"if you ever get scared, just clench your fist and pretend you're holding my hand, okay?"

i clenched my fist like he said to. it was a few months ago that he told me that but it's useful now.

i sat down in the chair and another lady came in, smiling at me.

i avoided looking at her. i stared at the white tile floors. i sucked in a tight breath and waited for the pain to be over.

getting my blood drawn was never something i liked. i don't think anyone likes it.

i sat there for a few minutes feeling drowsy before being lead into yet another room.

i was lazily laid down on a table. a button was put in my hand and i was told to push it if i got scared. i usually just close my eyes and concentrate on the low humming noise when i'm in there.

i kept myself calm the whole time. catscans were scary but i've grown used to them.

there's a lot that people don't knoe about me. i don't like to talk about this part of my life.

i was taken out and put in YET ANOTHER room. i waited in there for what seemed like hours in silence. it gave me time to think. that's never a good thing.

eventually, another doctor came into my room. i recognized him and sat up. this wasn't a good sign that it was him. surely i'm better...

"hey, young man. how are you?" he asked, closing the door behind him.

"i'm fine." i bit my tongue hard.

"i have good and bad news. which do you want to hear first?"

"bad."

"you're still sick. it's there, just dormant. if it ruptures again... it could have deathly results. but, good news is that we think we finally know what it is and how to get rid of it."

i nodded slowly.

of course i'm still sick.

he left to go tell my foster mom.

when i was a baby, i got really, really sick. nobody ever knew what was wrong with me and they still don't. it's some new type of genetically mutated disease. it gives me ticks occasionally, i'll loose the ability to walk or talk for days at a time. i'll even lose my sight. it attacks my muscles and nervous system.

i thought it was finally gone. but i was wrong. i know they said they might have some "breakthrough" but i don't trust it.

my step mother came to get me with sorryfull eyes. she took me home and i instantly left for jimin's house.

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