I Dont Do Too Well On My Own

The Twenty-Fourth Chapter

I turn to look at Patrick and then to Pete. They both look horrified.

"Im so sorry!" Joe shouts up.

"But... Im not who they wanted me to be." I whisper.

Would I ever be who they wanted? Would I be happy being who they wanted me to be?

My chest caves in and we all sit silently, staring at each other.

"I could go down with you? If you dont go now, they would come back." Patrick suggests.

My throat closes up and I gulp breaths down.

Im not who they want to see walk down the stairs.

"They will accept you for who you are, they just got you back?" Pete suggests.

What am I meant to say? "Yeah, okay."

I stand and wobble towards the door. Pete steps to the side and unlocks it.

The walk to the stairs is intense, each step is a wrong one.

"Ill be right next to you, dont worry." Patrick mumbles from behind me.

Make the biggest mistake you can think to make. I need to walk downstairs and meet my parents again. Its my greatest fear and the biggest mistake.

I take each step of the stairs slowly. I can do this.

I can hear Joe talking to my parents sheepishly at the bottom of the stairs. When this is over I swear he is getting a whipping.

4 years and a half has lead to this. Each moment in hiding. Each lonely night. Each drunk secret.

God, I hate myself.

As I step off the bottom step they turn to look at me. Then they turn to look behind me. Then they look at each other.

"When are we going to see our daughter?" My mum asks straight to my face.

That could mean 2 things.

She doesnt want to believe its me. My dad rubs my mums arm slowly. He does it as if my mums the hurt one.

"Did you send us this whole way just to trick us with this hooligan?"

Pete leans against the door frame with his angry concerned face. Joe hangs his head.

"Somebody explain?"

"I was Jessica, yes." My voice cracks.

Andy shakes his head and leaves.

"Im now Jesse. I left and Im not coming back."

I can barely make eye contact.

"So if you want closure... This is it."

"If you are our daughter then- then youre coming home." My dad says, lifting his head up as if he is trying to be taller than me.

"Im almost 23 now. Next week Im 23. I was legally allowed to leave almost 5 years ago." I point out.

"She isnt our daughter." My mother laughs a sickening shriek that makes me flinch. "Our daughter looked... Not so ugly and unnatural. She didnt live with four men! She wouldnt! She listened every night to my stories, and she believed them. She took them to heart. I made her out of stories. I built her like a house. She would need us to keep going, to keep alive. She was a mess that I helped maintain."

I take a step forward and Patrick places a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from going any closer.

"If you really loved us you would come home."

"But I dont love you." I laugh sourly. "Im only realising that my childhood was horrible and you messed me up for the future. Your excuse of a husband and my excuse of a dad, who only talked to me or took me out on your accord, is mindlessly controlled by you. He probably doesnt know how to talk on his own, do you?" I look over at him.

He looks at my mum for help. I look over at my mum, who is standing stubbornly.

"See, you, miss, are a life ruiner. But now- but now I have something better. I- I... I have..."

Tears brim on my eyes and my voice shakes.

"She has us." Patrick says, stepping forward, next to me. "Im- we are helping her."

He snakes his hand around my waist, pulling me into a side hug.

"I suggest you go... And stop looking, because Im here, and Im not what you wanted." I say.

"I would have preferred to find you dead. Although, you look as good as dead." My mum says.

Her eyes are squinted and she looks hateful.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Andy walks past me with a huge bucket of water and dumps it on my mums head.

Her frosted whip hair-do melts on her head and her make-up streaks down her face. She looks like she is melting.

"Id prefer if you were dead!" My mum shrieks, turning on her heels and leaving.

As soon as the door closes I drop to the floor, a white block hitting me straight in the head. Its a lot to get over.

I did say my body was useless, and it still is.