I Dont Do Too Well On My Own

The Fifty-Nineth Chapter

So.

If you know me, and you probably do after living though this much of my life, you will realise Im stubborn.

Just a little.

Im also many other things. But we can come back to that later.

I dont give up. Even if Im ill or handicapped or something, Ill keep going. Im always something.

Im also a walking contradiction.

So when we stand at the bottom of that hill I freak out a little.

Just imagine the slope of the top half of an egg. The hill has probably been hiked up by people with big back packs.

"Is- urm... Is this it?" I ask.

I cant see the top.

"Youll be okay climbing it right? Its so worth it when you get to the top." Patrick says carefully.

"We will see." I mumble.

I stand where foot steps have been worn in and climb. The grass comes out when I grasp onto it.

This hill isnt even that steep. Its between horizontal and vertical, but Im lowering the chance of falling over.

I get a bit up, Patrick walking next to me.

I know Im not going to make it to the top. I just want to see how far I can go.

"Patrick." I state after a while.

"Yeah?" He turns to look at me.

"I know this is a really easy hill or what ever, but I kind of feel a little faint."

Jump back to the doctor telling me to visit after a week.

Its been 2 weeks.

My knees wobble and elbows quake.

"Patrick, I forgot to go back and get my liver checked." I say.

I look down the hill and my knees collapse. I let my elbows droop and I gasp.

"Patrick. They havent filtered it or what ever. I shouldnt do this."

I can feel my torso pulse as I try to sit up.

"Patrick, I need to go back down and eventually go for my check up."

I roll onto my back and put my hands on my face.

Its the slope of a nose steep. Im just freaking out. Im probably fine.

"You look kind of pale. We should go now." Patrick says, kneeling down next to me.

"I want to be adventurous but this is stopping me." I say.

We are both saying things that dont make sense in a conversational way. We are just talking at each other.

I grab a pain killer from my bag and swallow it dry.

"Look, lets go now." Patrick seems more urgent.

"I cant stand now. Either give me a moment or-"

Im already up, Patrick is holding me.

"Im fine I just need a rest." I groan.

"When we get to the doctors, tell me then."

Patricks arms grip onto me like a violent hug and I am pulled against his chest. I can hear his heart thumping quickly as he rushes to reach his car. I feel the usual stabbing pains and I breathe in the scent of his tshirt to give me a different thought that wont freak me out.

He places me in the back seat and I curl into a ball.

"Okay. So. We are going for your check up now. Slightly late, but thats okay." Patrick is talking to himself. "Its all going to be fine- turn left."

I think of what is at the top of that hill.

I may never know.

"Patrick stop freaking out Im fine." I try and sound commanding, but I barely breathe it out.

Im so stupid for forgetting and then trying to do something I can never do.

Suddenly Im up again. I claw onto his tshirt and breathe in his scent as he rushes inside.

His scent is intoxicating.

"Hi, we are here for her check up?" Patrick tries.

We can all see that I actually need a drip and liver check pronto.

I close my eyes and ignore the looks.

"This way sir. You may have to wait for a few minutes while we clear a room." A voice leads us.

I bounce in Patricks arms as he jogs along a corridor or two... Or three.

He sits down, keeping me curled to his chest.

"Skye." He mumbles, looking down at me.

I look up from being curled in a ball. His eyes baby blue. He licks over his lips slowly.

"Youre still awake." A smile slips onto his lips.

His thick hipster glasses start to slip and we laugh as he continuously adjusts them.

"Just, keep being you and doing this... Being conscious I mean."

"You know Im fine." I murmur.

"Firstly, you arent. Secondly, I kind of like you curled up in my arms."

We are in that small private inclosed space that helps intimacy.

Maybe, even if only for a moment, he makes me forget about the throbbing in my torso.

His hand caresses my hair and he brushes a lock from my eyes.

"You know, I love doing what you love me to do." I mumble. "But I really need to sleep and just..."

My eyes close.