I Dont Do Too Well On My Own

The Fourty-Third Chapter

The soft beeping wakes me. Its like returning to an old friend. I smile, Im not dead.

Thanks, body. Thanks, doctors.

My heads a blur as I forcefully blink my eyes clear. My chest feels like it has been cut up and sewn up again.

Im just such a happy mess.

I groan as my eyes clear up.

"Shes not dead!" Someone that sounds like Joe shouts.

I flinch at his loud voice.

"Sorry." He whispers.

I look around. The whole room spins and I kind of want to cry.

The same white walls greet me with a cold stare.

Patricks on my right. He just happens there. I never saw him appear.

His hand is up against my cheek, stopping my face falling to the side, limp. My face is the perfect size to fit in his rounded palm.

I smile, closing my eyes.

"Not... Dead..." I force.

"I guessed." He laughs.

Dramatic, eh? I just want my moment. Give me the spotlight for a few seconds. Just for once. I am paying in pain anyway.

I am careful with my shallow breaths as my side burns and the skin tenses.

I reach my hand up but Im stopped, Im attached to a wire. A leash.

I reach my other hand to my side.The scar is fresh, red, angry. I whimper quietly as I prod it.

It looks like its about to overflow with lava or something gooey and poisonous.

"They cut off some dead tissue." Patrick says in his hushed voice.

My eyes wonder to his and he seems a mixture of relieved and nervous. He sees my expression and sets his smile into a more 'its going to be okay' smile.

I hope it will.

I yawn and set my arm back down comfortably. I watch the monotonous drip dripping until I fall asleep.

It doesnt take long.

"The album actually comes out today." Petes voice wakes me up.

"I forgot." Patrick mumbles.

"In an hour we count down and then boom, we release it a day early."

I open my eyes and look up at them.

"They wont see whats coming."

They both turn to look at me. Pete looks almost sly, rubbing his hands like a fly and grinning.

"What did they do?" I groan.

"Removed some of your liver.You can only drink water now. You also have to take several supplements a day. Its going to suck."

And it doesnt already?

"Sleeping beauty is up!" Pete jokes.

His sly grin brings a smile to my face.

I shrug and laugh. "Beauty? After this I doubt it."

Pete shrugs back. "Maybe you look like a princess now?"

"But seriously. Im in hospital. Im not going to look my best right now."

He lets me win with a shrug.

"The album?" I question.

"We are releasing it in 45 minutes. Theres going to be a shit storm." Pete laughs.

"What did you end up calling 'Jesses Song'?"

"7 Minutes In Heaven" Patrick beams.

"Wow. That is one classy song."

Patrick nods like a child that is proud of their finger painting. "I thought of the name myself!"

"You know how to charm, Patty boy, you know how to charm..."

I lie back down on the pillow and try to absorb myself into the bed.

"Are they annoyed that I drank again?"

"A little." Patrick says.

He fidgets with his sleeve of his red cardigan.

"Okay, maybe more than a little."

He keeps tugging a the corner of his cardigan with two of his fingers. He pulls away some snowflakes of cotton.

"I mean, it wasnt your fault..."

He looks up from his lap at me. His eyes search me.

"They were just freaking out because your wound started bleeding and then someone was taking pictures for some reason and a nurse was just shouting. She was shouting something like 'shes loosing blood! Shes getting worse! Take your picture and hurry!''

"How comical." I mumble.

"Caught up in it all its actually quite scary. Everyone was running like rabbits in the wake of a massive fox. The nurse was yelling and it was so loud..."

"Shame I wasnt there to see it."

"You would have freaked out, Im sure of it. Everyone was being so irrational and I swear, Andy nearly fainted from the sight of your scar cut open."

"Its what you get, being a vegan."

"He was scared that you would fall out... Your insides wouldnt look good on the floor."

"Theres only one way to find out, eh?"

He chuckles. "We arent trying that way."

"You know," I continue mumbling. "The only way to fear nothing is to risk being completely cut open."

And Petes scribbling on paper.

"And the only way to be complete is to cut yourself open and sew yourself shut again. If you cant do that, youre dead. Show someone your quivering insides, the pulsing sacks of meat inside you."

I look up towards the drip next to me.

"And maybe its okay to talk like this because Im on drugs. I can excuse it if its wrong in your eyes. But, you guys have seen my spasming insides, figuratively and literally, and I can tell you its made me a better person. Im not scared anymore of what used to send me to tears. Its good, ripping yourself open. It helps people see the real you."

The drip drops more liquid into my hand and I wince.

"Even if I have to sit in this bland bed for a few days and force you to watch me sleep, its worth it. So the doctors can go suck a dick."

Pete laughs at that. Patrick chuckles but is more thoughtful.

"Thats an interesting concept." He says, suddenly interested in the third ceiling panel to the left. "Im glad youre part of my life... Even if every few weeks youre close to death in hospital."

"Half being ill is hospital anyway." I mumble.

"Hey! We have 5 minutes!" Joe slides through the door.

I wince at his shouting.

"Sorry." He whispers.

"5 minutes to see whats happening. We need to cover all social media and be as obscure as possible."

So, this is what behind the scenes looks like?